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Support desperately need...
| Mon, 06-14-2004 - 6:34pm |
If you feel like you need more background to understand this you can read my first post on Sat. about trying to figure out how to end my A.
About a month ago my home was burglarized. Well, this was the 2nd time in 5 years, so I got an alarm system. Today I got a call from the monitoring company telling me that my alarm was going off and that the police were in route. They then called me back and asked me to come to my house. Well, it ended up that my cat set it off. Anyway, the point of this story was that after I found out everything was okay, I was still filled with that feeling of fear mixed with adrenaline and I naturally wanted to turn to MM for comfort. I called him and wanted him to offer to come by—he didn’t. He asked me how I was and I replied, “Stressed” and he said that he was as well. I told him that I could offer him a beer. He declined. He knows that I’m trying to end it, and he’s trying to give me what I want, in spite of myself. How to you get over the feeling of needing them? He is my best friend, not just my lover. We work together—actually sit beside one another so NC is really not an option unless I quit my job, which would not be an easy thing.
About a month ago my home was burglarized. Well, this was the 2nd time in 5 years, so I got an alarm system. Today I got a call from the monitoring company telling me that my alarm was going off and that the police were in route. They then called me back and asked me to come to my house. Well, it ended up that my cat set it off. Anyway, the point of this story was that after I found out everything was okay, I was still filled with that feeling of fear mixed with adrenaline and I naturally wanted to turn to MM for comfort. I called him and wanted him to offer to come by—he didn’t. He asked me how I was and I replied, “Stressed” and he said that he was as well. I told him that I could offer him a beer. He declined. He knows that I’m trying to end it, and he’s trying to give me what I want, in spite of myself. How to you get over the feeling of needing them? He is my best friend, not just my lover. We work together—actually sit beside one another so NC is really not an option unless I quit my job, which would not be an easy thing.
I’m just sitting hear balling and I don’t know what to do. I still want him so very bad. I want to take back saying anything about ending our relationship. I feel like I’m drowning in a pool of my own making, and I don’t have a lifeguard on duty!
I'd really appreciate any pearls of wisdom, an help or encouragement. Please?

I also started NC with my XMM and was starting to regret it when all h*** broke loose with is wife (she found out). That started the emotional roller coaster again for me, from the guilt and the pain I felt from her anger I reached clarity about the MM. If he really truly loved me he wouldn't have played us both against each other. If he was the man I made him out to be he would have either stayed faithful to his wife, or left her period.
That being said, I still miss him every day. I love him and I thought he was my best friend. Thankfully I've learned from this board if we stay focused and stay true to ourselves we'll get through it.
Girl..........its nice to not feel totally alone in this.