Survived two triggers and still at peace

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2008
Survived two triggers and still at peace
9
Tue, 09-01-2009 - 10:20pm

The passing of Ted Kennedy is something that AP and i would have spoke about for hours. But I feel good and strong and know that AP is merely a drug that gives me a high for one minute and then misery for hours.

But the tough trigger was more recent where my dh got angry about absolutely nothing and stormed out and isn't speaking to me. I can't seem to keep him happy and his temper in control. I know he has the problem but it is hard to walk on eggshells. But again, on days like that i used to run to call/text AP but I'm ok, because xAP is just another problem, not a solution.

Been "sober" since the spring and now fall is approaching. I'm proud of myself as I've removed one problem from my life and still have another one at home. But I least I am living an honest life, still unhappy, but honest nonetheless.

A big hug to those who have recently kicked this addiction. If I can do it, anyone can :)

MW

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2006
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 7:38am

MW,


That's awesome!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2009
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 10:41am

Hello MW-


Just wanted to say congrats on getting past the triggers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2009
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 11:09am

Congratulations.

 

              &n

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 11:56am

momwife, hats off to you! You are doing a wonderful job of dealing with the tough issues in your life. I'm sure you felt each one compounded the other.


Triggers are are like bullets. We can allow them to get to us or prepare in advance, a bullet proof vest to shield us from the hit.


I knew my xAP was going to be involved in an "event" last week that was kinda a big deal. I've known for almost 2 yrs. - he just had to let me know. Then I got an email from him very recently. I deleted it, but I

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 2:28pm

I logged out of EAS and checked my daily news site to catch the latest news before heading out to run errands. And there it was - another bigger than life

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 4:19pm

thnx for posting this positive msg, mw.


i remember being tough on you- and i'm SO GLAD you are doing SO WELL! you deserve peace and happiness.


please keep posting- we love to hear encouraging words and success stories.


hugs


ls

CL-Lovely Starr


"No memory of having starred; atones for later disregard; or keeps the end from being hard."

CL-Lovely Starr

"No memory of having starred; atones for later disregard; or keeps the end from being h

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2008
Sat, 09-05-2009 - 2:30pm

Geez I love that line about how we give the AP a "specialness' when they really are not! I totally agree. I have created a God like persona around my xAP as well. I can honestly see now that he doesn't treat me any better than my husband (who is pretty crap). I just put my hopes and dreams into my xAP, and that wasn't real.

Seeing your xAP on the TV must be hard, but when you see his smiling face just picture him as the liar or loser that he now is in your eyes. As I have said, if I can do it, anybody can. I am really preparing to deal with this addiction the rest of my life, which means i can never drop the ball :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2008
Sat, 09-05-2009 - 2:35pm


Thanks. This has been a very difficult journey, i won't lie. BUt i have really prepared myself as having to deal with this addiction forever. It is alot of work, but I have to. I have even understood the whole point of not seeking closure from him or answers to questions, nothing he says will make me feel better so why put him in a spot that he has to lie to me, which is just as meaningless.

I was dealing with a lot of guilt issues and a fear of d-day but I am better now and just believe that NC is good for both of those points. I still can't believe that I did what I did and although I detest my DH, what's wrong is wrong.

Thanks for your help LS
MW

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 3:18pm

YES!


When we realize that there is not such thing as closure in the aftermath of ending an A, it puts us well on the way to healing.

CL-Lovely Starr

"No memory of having starred; atones for later disregard; or keeps the end from being h