Suuuuuuper Tweener!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2009
Suuuuuuper Tweener!!
15
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 1:20pm

Well beloved EAS board members - tomorrow marks SIX months of NC!

NC since October 2, 2009.

&nbsp

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2009
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 11:06pm

Hi Buddy - I understand why my comment seemed counterintuitive, let me explain. My situation and mindset has always been a bit unique. Whenever I've ended things, it always seemed easier to go back, like he was just "waiting" for me to come to my senses. But this time, he pulled away, far away. He tried ending things about 3 weeks prior to NC starting. I cried. I begged. I pleaded. I remember pacing around my yard while my kids played, sobbing on the phone, pleading with him not to go. He decided not to go, but things weren't the same. Things were broken and falling apart and I allowed myself to sink to my utter depths. I had only a shred of dignity left. Then I finally asked him one day what was wrong and he said "I don't want to do this anymore". Well, that was that. I couldve yelled, cried, begged. But I didn't. I simply asked whether he'd fallen out of love with me. I told him I thought he was a jerk. He said he was sorry several times and I told him i didn't forgive him. Then I said bye and hung up.

I know that it must be driving him crazy that I didn't accept his apologies. I'm sure he wonders if I hate him, wonders if he'll ever see or have me again. And I feel like have the upper hand because I let him end things in a dignified way and in a way that puts me at peace. I don't care about what he feels. I'm don't have to wonder if he's mad or hates me. And I have zero desire to come crawling back so he thinks "she still needs me and wants me." Nope. I'm moving forward and whether he is or not is not my concern.

That's why I feel that way. A bit odd to some, but awfully empowering to me. I guess since I saw just how far i was willing to sink, and to BEG for this man that had no respect for my M... I was glad he finally had the balls to end things and it was time to to let go. If I had ended things, I wouldve been tempted to "change my mind". Instead, I hold my head high and move forward.

~Gal

NC since October 2, 2009.

NC since October 2, 2009.

&nbsp
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2008
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 11:28pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 11:40pm

I understand exactly that "upper hand" thing - when you're the one who got dumped, there is not way to go but to move on. So breaking NC is simply out of question.

The harder part is to break it off yourself...then to withstand them contacting you, and begging and pleading and promising things will be different. I honestly wished so many times my x would be the one to end it - I myself am so afraid of rejection, I'd be NC till the day I'll die and the rest would be just so easy:)

XOXO
Gone

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2008
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 11:56pm
Awesome!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 9:56am

GAL,

CONGRATS! I am so happy for you. I am so proud of and thankful for you. You have stayed around and it is much appreciated.

Luvin

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida

Pages