Taking My Power Back

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Taking My Power Back
11
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 11:23am

Well I knew this day would come. After not hearing from MM for a couple months now, with no explanation or anything, he emails me yesterday and leaves a message if I still want to see him again.

WTF? It makes me mad to think he even THINKS he can treat me this way and I'll come running back.

I know I shouldn't even dignify him with an answer but I did send a response back saying "you ignore me totally for 2 mos. And now you want to see me again? I'll have to think about that".

I know he's probably PISSED at that response because now I haven't heard anything back from him. In a way I hope it stays like that. Because I am ticked off at him and he doesn't have the right to treat me this way!! Even though we had good times together, I'm thinking that I am better off putting him into my past and keeping him there.

Thanks everyone for help keeping me strong on this one.

Dusty

xxxx

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 11:56am
I know just how you feel. My xmm dosen't want to talk anymore but I am coming to his town at the end of the month and he wants to come to my hotel? Does he just think that is all I am? After 3 wks of NC he emails and then one of the people we work with gets us on the phone to discuss something and it ends up with a conversation.
As I have obsessed about this for 2 days I know that when I am thinking rationally it doesn't really matter what he thinks, feels or wants. What matters is me, what I think, what I stand for and what I will allow into my life. My head knows this, my emotions are angy and yet I still consider being that piece of a--. thinking that somehow he cares for me. What is wrong with me?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 12:08pm

They don't really give a damn about us except as a booty call. If they really cared, they would not leave us hanging like that.

I don't know what makes me madder or hurts more. Being left alone and ignored, or having him contact me again!! I am still so angry about that. And he has not responded to my answer to him, he is probably ticked off at me for that.

But too bad!! He treats me like crap and I'm supposed to go running back?? I DON"T THINK SO!!

I am just plain mad right now. Hope I can keep these feelings going.

Dusty

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 1:06pm
I am trying to be strong and keep my dignity. I have been his partner though in enjoying the sex and although to me it was more, if this is how he is then that is on him. Being angry is good though it is part of the healing process. It is part of grieving and realizing that what you had is gone, or never was. I have made so many excuses for him and his behavior, for me and mine. I have tried to rationalize and justify everything. It comes down to learning to respect myself. Sometimes I think I will never have sex again because my husband isn't well, and it all seems so unfair.
The truth is though what do you want out of this and where do you see it heading? The reality may be that we have been used. What can you do about it? What are you willing to do? Use your anger to stay strong and build a better you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 1:12pm

Hi again, you are very right in all that you say. Although I enjoyed the sex with him too, if he had only shown me a little more respect out of the bed, maybe I wouldn't be feeling this way.

Right now I am very angry but still feel like I want to cry. Because if I give in and apologize (and why should I) for the kind of nasty email I sent this morning, he'd be all willing to be back with me. But how much of this am I willing to put up with?

I know he's online right now. He has an account he said he only went online there to talk to me. So he knows I can see him on there. But he hasn't answered me back.

Its just sad to think I was no more than a piece of A.. to him even though we went on for 3+ years, I thought maybe I would be just a tiny bit more important to him ...

Oh lord, just let me get thru this day!! I know I will be fine once I am home for the weekend and don't have to think about him!!

Dusty

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 2:01pm
Dusty, just try and remember that he is not the only person in the world. There are a lot of people who love and care about the person you are. We just got our priorities mixed up. Maybe he dosen't answer because he is feeling stupid, knowing he blew it by being such a jerk..... do you want him to appologize my xmm did when I talked to him the other day but he has apologized a lot of times saying he was sorry for ever hurting me. Great, but it dosen't change things. It is still over, it was wrong all along and we messed up a great friendship, but when you start thinking about him instead of you, you feel miserable and you open yourself up to all of the pain again. You have done so well with NC try to go back there again and just let this be a little setback instead of a major one. You can rise above this....
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 2:09pm

Thanks, I need the moral support right now!! It is SO tempting to email him now I know for sure he is there. But I'm not gonna do that. I'm leaving it as it is OVER.

I can't go back there again, I'd just be showing him how little I think of myself and how I am a doormat when he comes calling when it suits him to.

I was willing to go on how we were for a long time. Heck we've been doing this for 3 years. But he's shown me time and again that he has no respect for my feelings really and I've accepted it up til now. He's probably surprised that I had this angry reaction this time.

I will miss the sex of course, but maybe just knowing that he KNOWS he's blown it this time and leave him with wanting ME, maybe the revenge will taste a little sweet for me.

Dusty

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 5:56pm
My xmm used to get really mad at me and ask me how long this was going to go on. He would say do we just do this till one of us dies? It was 2 yrs and I would have kept going but he had major guilt issues. I can see how much I have moved on with nc. Things are already starting to change at home and in my relationship with H. I try to just replace any thought of xmm with a thought of my husband (as I wish he was) and I call my husband all of the time now instead of xmm....the more I treat H the way I used to treat xmm the more attractive H is seeming to me?????
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 8:06pm

Dusty

So how much DISRESPECT are you going to take from this LOSER, any man that has to treat a woman like he treats you is a LOSE, don't be his toy that he picks up when the mood strikes him to get his rocks off only to be put back on the shelf tell he has a wet dream again.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Sat, 03-12-2005 - 7:45am

Dusty

<>

You have been very strong during this NC! Dont lose that! I KNOW this is so hard. After 2.5 years I was hoping I meant more to MM then It seems like I did too but you know what, we wont even care after a while.

Thinkign about you and hopign you got thru ok.

Let us know how you are

Bria

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Sat, 03-12-2005 - 8:49am

If he is such a loser, what does that make her for asking "how high?" Every time said loser calls and says, "jump!"

Stay strong Dusty and don't allow him to disrespect you...Only you can stop that.

 

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