Talk about Karma
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|Tue, 04-22-2003 - 8:56am|
Of course, he fed me the line he wasn't sure it was his because she was away for 3 months and after a couple of weeks being back (and after he supposedly told her he wanted a divorce) she comes in with a pregnancy test with the famous double line result. And being the blind naive idiot I was, I believed what he said because I wanted to hear him say it. After promising me that he was going to leave after she had the baby, I even went as far to believe that they took up sepparate rooms in their home. Why would he lie, right? Anyway, I was in a position to verify that with his W. But, because of the trust I put in this man, I believed him and felt comfortable that I was the only one he was being intimate with. My twisted logic even went as far as thinking that, "Hey, the lady's pregnant! He wouldn't do it with a pregnant woman!" (I've never had children, so I didn't think you were still allowed to carry on physically when you were pregnant. What did I know?)
Anyway, I carried on with him and the affair 4 months more after she told him she was pregnant. All this time, I had a funny feeling he was not being totally honest with me, but I trusted him, and I wanted to believe this swiss cheese story he was giving me. Today, I got a message on my new cell phone number. It was from his W. She found his stash of "secret relationship stuff". Letters, pictures, movie stubs, etc. I returned every letter and card he ever gave me. I suppose he kept them. She was laughing on my voicemail, quoting some of the things he wrote to me. Apparently, it's not enough that she managed to hold onto her man. She needed to twist that knife in my gut a little bit more. I was a stupid, silly, naive, and blind little slut, she said. Did I really believe he was sleeping in another room this whole time? As a matter of fact, they even purchased a new mattress after she told him she was pregnant, and they had a hell of a time "breaking it in". And just so I know, the only reason she plans on staying wed to him besides all the money he makes (she doesn't work), is because he is so good in bed. And he even proved JUST how great he really is as she rattled off in full, graphic detail all the things he's been doing to her in her pregnant state.
I'm sitting here crying my eyes out, after having three wonderful weeks not thinking much at all about him. I listened to this message as I had just gotten to work. I sat here with a stunned silence on my face, as my stomach flipped. My coworker looked at me, asking me if I was going to be sick. I think I might have dropped the phone, I don't remember. For about ten minutes, I just sat here feeling like the biggest idiot in the world.
I know it's a taste of my own bitter medicine when you think about it. My MM "cheating" on me with his W. LOL!! It even sounds ridiculous to write about. I was just saying to myself, "Oh, so THIS is how it feels?" I feel like a complete and total idiot. I want to put my fist through anything, pretending it's his smug and arrogant face. I want to kick something in, while pretending it's his W! I want to bang my head up against a brick wall just so I don't forget the stupid, moronic mistakes I managed to make in the past year.
But most of all, I want to go home, crawl under my covers, and cry my eyes out. I really loved him, and I really trusted him. It sucks to be hurt and betrayed. Like I said, talk about bad karma. Thanks for letting me vent. I'm going down to get a box of Godiva. Perhaps chocolate is a better alternative to violence. =(