tell me more about NC

Avatar for stacymik
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2003
tell me more about NC
2
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 3:19am
So, I just posted my sad little story, and then started reading other posts, the one from Trish, about weather to respond to a text after 15 days NC. I read through what everyone had to say, posies answer sounds right, which brings me to my question about NC, is it the only way? Am I being completely wishy washy thinking we can still be friends? I do admit, I hope to someday be with this guy, if and only when he gets his life straighten out, I live a block away from him and we've been friends for 5 years. I need some advice
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2003
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 10:09am

From my own experience, "lets be friends" does not work. You cannot go from loving someone with all of your heart and soul to "lets be friends". I have been trying to go that route for way too long now. All that does (again, from my experience only) is keep your emotions embroiled in the affair. At one time, I was willing to wait while he found just the right time to file for D. There was always a reason as to why it was not a good time to file.... finances, his health insurance situation (him being the one out of work), his W's fragile emotional state (his words, not mine), he was waiting until the next holiday passed as the timing was bad, blah, blah, blah. Mine did not have any children, so that could not be used as an excuse. I put my life on hold for going on three years and got all the promises. What I got was completely drained of any personality I had, any morals I thought I had and an ache in my heart that I am now trying to accept.

Sure, there were a lot of good times, but that is in the past. Once the "fun" ended and reality set in, I had to look myself in the mirror and accept what I had become.

I do agree that NC is the best and only route to go when ending these painful relationships. As I have said before, I have failed miserably at maintaining NC, because I am single and he is able to call me at any time, day or night. The last couple of days have been a challenge and he did get through to me, but I kept the conversation very light and abrupt and reiterated to him that he cannot just call any more at his convenience. I have to live now and cannot have the shadow of him in the background looking over my shoulder all the time.

I have also been seeing someone who I would like to get more involved with, but cannot until I can be up front and open with my emotions. It is not fair to me or him.

Supposedly, xmm's wife has filed for D and that will be happening, but that does not change the fact that he now lives hundreds of miles away and surely won't return here after the D and I have no intention of uprooting and moving there.

With the two of you living so close together, NC will be more difficult, but it really is for the best.

Just my opinion, for what it is worth to you.

Take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 12-26-2004 - 10:19am
I was kinda in your shoes. OW needed to get rid of some baggage and whatnot so I tried to be just friends. I'm not sure what she thought, but I couldn't do it. It was too hard seeing her and carrying on meaningless conversations. As such, I had to call it a day. I had really hoped to be with her someday, but should we wait around forever? I used to be a fireman and the most important thing I learned (besides never lose your fear when entering a burning building) is that life is short. You can try to be friends, but the pain may be too much. Good luck