A terrible story

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
A terrible story
6
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 8:42pm

I'm not really sure why I'm posting here. All I know is I am in terrible pain and I can't find any other appropriate board.

Last year, I moved out on my husband with our kids due to emotional abuse. He asked for another chance. I moved back in to give him one. But, it took me a long time to trust, even though he did not abuse anymore. During that strange period, I developed an online-only kind of relationship with a guy. It lasted only two months. Shortly after, my husband and I put our marriage back together, and have been pretty good since. That was over half a year ago.

Tuesday, my husband found an old im conversation and discovered the relationship. He was already distraught about being unemployed. He tried to commit suicide. He almost died. I'm not trying to scare anyone, and I'm telling the truth.

For a long time, when he was abusive, I didn't think I loved him. But now I know it was just hidden by the hurt. I love him. He is in the psych ward now, and will not speak to me. When he gets out, he is going to his parent's house more than an hour away.

I don't now how or if we will ever patch this up. I am so scared!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 9:03pm
Urnxanadu..If your Husband is in a psyche ward, he will most certainly get the help he needs. Hopefully he will not be released before that. I feel certain he will have to speak to you at some time. It is really good that he is being treated. Concentrate on that. Seek treatment for yourself. You are dealing with HUGE issues right now. Not only are you dealing with having to reveal your past secret, you have to prove yourself to your Husband and you have to deal with him as someone who is not stable to boot. Perhaps be viligant in being involved in his recovery as well as keeping yourself mentally healthy. I.E. dont do destructive things, seek out PROFESSIONAL competant help for yourself (if a certain Therapist doesnt feel right...find another etc.). You are really forced now to deal with it...not much else you can do right? Cant hide. Feel empowerment through being pro-active.
I hope this is good advice...If anyone sees it as flawed please respond.
Lizzie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 9:29pm

URN

Your husband needs to be talking to a T to understand the effects of abuse on a person and that it was no big surprise that you would be open to a limited relationship that made you fell better about you.

Sounds like a case for professional unbiased help.

Jmho

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 10:11pm

Urnxanadu, please e-mail me about this. I have some experience with this, and I may be able to help. DellaTerra66@aol.com.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 11:25pm

Hi Lizzie,

Thanks for the reply. I did see my own counselor today. She is the one I used to see when we had marital problems last year. She is helping me to understand the process from his point of view, and what will likely happen as he is in the psych hospital, which is good. Not too sure I can be proactive right now. I seem to just want to zone out all day. However, I do have two boys, so I need to pull myself together. True that I can't hide anymore. I just hate going through this process again, after all the work we did putting our marriage back together already. I hope he is willing to give me the chance I gave him last year.

urnxanadu

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 11:29pm

Free,

Thanks for answering. I am confused what "talking to a T" means, however. Please explain. We were seeing a family counselor with the kids; however, I hope to continue on with this counselor just the two of us when my husband is ready, if he decides to.

urnxanadu

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2004
Fri, 01-14-2005 - 11:34pm

Did you mean your email was Bella with a B or Della with a D? Because your user name says bella and the email name you typed says della. I sent an email to the exact email address you put in your reply. Thanks.

urnxanadu