thank goodness its almost over...
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| Sat, 01-01-2005 - 11:49am |
Happy New Year everyone. I am so glad that I got through new years even and that the holiday season is almost over. this was a bad week for me folks, worse than last year and I can't figure out why...last year this time I wasn't speaking to XOM either.
My phone rang right after midnight and I have a good feeling that it was him sending me one of his stupid messages. He has been known to do that in the past. It made me feel good and bad at the same time. I popped a Xanax and went to bed.
I am going to do my hair and makeup now and put on my happy face. I have a family thing to go to. I just wanted to wish everyone here a Happy and Healthy new year. This board has given me strength and a place to vent. This has been a very bad month for me, at times I felt like I was going to do myself in. I hope that it is uphill from here. My children need me.
hugs

People think that I am such a strong, independent, confident & successful woman. I sit here and think about how I am none of those things.
Jazzdiva
Women -- repeat after me: NO MAN IS WORTH THIS. CERTAINLY not even THINKING of 'doing yourself in.' This pain will go away. And, remember, you don't really miss him. You miss how you FELT when he was around.
Look at it this way -- if XMM/XOM is SO GREAT, how come every other woman in the world isn't after him?
I couldn't believe that my XMM wasn't cheating on me. For one thing, if he cheated on his wife, he would cheat on me. Secondly, I was so attracted to him, I couldn't believe EVERY woman wasn't attracted to him. Except no other women were attracted to him. Other than as a grandfather-type! LOL THAT will tell you how old he was! :-) (He looked/looks about 10 years younger than he is -- and he could STILL get it up -- probably Viagra.)
If you really can't get out of bed or feel shaky a month after the breakup, go see your doctor for a little -- and I mean LITTLE -- medication to get your through. Or see a therapist. Or both. Don't do this to yourself. HE ISN'T WORTH IT.
And today I stopped telling myself that he is worth it...he WAS to me...but as it stands now...he is NOT worth it. I just have to keep reminding myself that the situation is what it is and there is nothing that I can change except for the way I deal with this.
I have some really good days...where I see things clearly...and I have some really bad days. Today was a good day. I haven't talked to xmm in 3 days since I told him that I can't do the "friend" thing. He text messaged me tonight telling me that he hates the way things turned out and that he will always be here for me when I need a friend.
Blah, blah, blah. He is the very LAST person I need as a friend...I strongly question his intelligence now for even sending me that. Anyway...I did not reply- YAY for me!
GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now -- I hope you'll be there for me when I have a really bad day and I want to call him! LOLOLOLOLOLOL Seriously, it's over. Dear God, I thought the damned holidays would never end. LOLOLOLOLOL god, it was difficult some days. I HATE the holidays.
I never even drove by his house -- not once in three years -- but he did loan me his cabin for a week's vacation. Then when I saw how beautifully the cabin was decorated (and I Mean B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L -- and it's just a damned cabin!) I realized what the inside of his home must look like (he makes A LOT more money than I do). Then one day he slipped and called his home his "sanctuary" -- he could be a real jerk. I'm glad I'm out. If I ever decide to go back or even TRY to go back, I'll come here and let you kick some sense into me!
My heart goes out to you, hugs
kat