thank heavens for EAS
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thank heavens for EAS
| Tue, 04-26-2011 - 4:46am |
In the three months since ending my A, xAP has broken through my protective wall of NC only twice. Once at the three week mark when he called a hotel I was staying in to ask if we could still meet for occassional "fun" even though the A was over, and once when I stumbled across a number of abusive emails

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((Hugs))
theyellowone xx
"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~
Oh, my dear Katniss. Now I wish I had given you your Tweener wings on time. Perhaps they would have lessoned the pain of that phone call, but woman, you handled it with the strength and fortitude I would have expected from such a courageous and dedicated Ender as you have been. I know that was difficult, but his timing absolutely sucked anyway, not to mention just how selfish it was. You were awesome, honey, and I am very proud of you.
I hope you were able to get some sleep regardless of this interruption to your peace of mind. It's only human to want to know how a voice from the past has been, but this was a voice of doom. Sometimes it is absolutely necessary to silence such a voice forever, KWIM?
Today's a new day, and you can start it out by holding your head up high by knowing you did not feed the monster yesterday. He will now slither off to find other means to subdue his appetite. You, OTOH, will continue with your healing, and as you said,
"I also feel deeply grateful that when my family pick me up from the airport in four days time I will be able to look them in the eye with truthfulness and love and know that I have done the right thing."
Hugs to you, sweetie.
Wow, Kat, you handled that so amazingly well!!!
I admire your steadfastness, knowing how difficult it must have been for you.
(((hugs)))
"I'm sorry, I can't talk with you".
My H was understandably upset to hear that xAP had tried to call me again (as part of our rebuilding I have promised H that I will tell him about any contact with xAP, however minor.) H's initial instinct was to email xAP to tell him to leave us alone - in less polite terms than that - but in the end we agreed that silence is the most powerful message of all.
My H still thinks that xAP's W deserves to know about the A, but so far I have persuaded him that it's not for us to judge or interfere any further with their M. What do you think? Is that the right approach?
Kat, you are dead right, it is not up to us to poison what might be an okay marriage, from her point of view.
You have no way of knowing her reaction - what if she hurts herself? No. Keep silent.
And awesome strength you have shown too. Fantastic stuff :-)
I have to agree that SILENCE sends a very strong message. Strong enough? Wait and see. If it happens again, there is still time to tell him, (either you or husband) that he has been thrown under the bus. Your H knows your bond is with him. You were honest with him.
You can't second guess what other people will do. His wife should be left out of this. People do strange things when confronted with stress. Why take a chance on what he or she might do? People do crazy things at crazy times.
XAP might even welcome a DDay with her, why chance it.
If I were in his boots, I would think I dodged a bullet and let it all go and think I was lucky.
SILENCE IS GOLDEN!!!
We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.
Katniss:
on the positive side my H says he can see real change in me and in my willingness to talk about my intimacy/insecurity issues without becoming defensive or withdrawing from the conversation. Baby steps, but I think we're making progress in a wonderful direction.
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