Thank you all so much...
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| Fri, 03-18-2005 - 10:59am |
For the responses to my other post. Sadly though, I am not as strong as I thought I was. I'm deciding not to walk away right now. I still want to be with him, and as jenn said, I'll have to OWN that decision. Part of that might mean (to me) that I can't keep whining and complaining about how I get treated or how I don't get treated, what I go through and what I don't go through. I need to be realistic and aware that YES this can be a no win situation for me. Right now though, I'm a bit of a romantic fool and feel that we will be together when this is all over.
I love him, and I know he loves me just as much. He is not at home with her, nor did he say that he is going back to her to give it yet another "try". He has his own apartment, so maybe, just maybe, he is actually going to go through it this time....that is something I have chosen to stick around and see...Also they drew up the papers yesterday and the attorney is sending them to court asap. Since they both walked in with a written list of what they each wanted and they had reached an understanding of everything...the attorney said it will be an "amicable" and "quick" process. But like free said, I won't believe it until the ink is dry...
In the meantime, I might someday need your kind (and painfully truthful) advice if I need to come back here.....again.
You have all been incredibly helpful and I am not forgetting your advice for a minute. I just don't want to be without him right now. He has brought happiness to me in a way that no other has, even though at the cost of some painful ones as well. Again, it's my choice and I need to be a "big girl" about it and understand that when it gets tough or if the time comes and I am once again kicked in the stomach....I knew what I was getting into.
Well, this bunny is now banging her drum on the other board....
Can I ask for you all to wish me luck?
Doves

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Since my last post 30 mins ago I have been thinking about something that came out of a T session. The night before my first couples T appt I discussed with my T how to explain WHY A happened. One thing did bring clarity to me that if we knew all the solutions in the world to "WHY" things happen: why we feel a certain way, why we take the actions we do, why we dream the things we dream, why our life is on a certain path one day and on a different path the next, and why sometimes we seem to be on a long road to nowhere for ages. Why sometimes change is good and why sometimes change is painful, and most of all why we feel the connections we do - then the whole mystic of humankind would be useless. We would be some sort of demigods and our reason for living, curiosity and intrigue for making it to the next day, would be meaningless.
I know I am searching for a WHY and I know I will never find one. But that also is part of acceptance and owning the mistake
thanks, have fun on your vacation
max
OK, you've decided to work with your MM on a future. I wish you well. BTDT as the MM. It can work out....
In this posting you mention that he's living on his own and the lawyers are getting the divorce papers into court ASAP. Presuming you're being told the truth at this point about the divorce process, I understand your decision to continue contact with stbd MM. Just be careful not to get caught in any cross-fire between MM and his stbxw. Your presence can add stability to the divorce process.
Please come back and post as the situation evolves. I'd like to know if you're like me and end up in a successful relationship with your xAP out in the open and no longer an affair.
Good luck,
cl-nre
All of your words have been so kind and supportive. I can't possibly thank all of you enough.
So far it seems to be going well. We had a rough discussion yesterday because of my constant fear of his indecisiveness. Sometimes I feel that my negativity could destroy us, so I'm trying to keep my thoughts as positive as possible.
I still need all of you here, if for nothing else but the simple fact that each of you know where I am and understand this difficult situation I am in.
Hopefully, I can be of help to all of you as well.
Thanks again!!!
{{{{{{{{{HUGS TO ALL}}}}}}}}}}}}
Doves
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