Thank you Posie..

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Registered: 06-22-2004
Thank you Posie..
1
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 8:16am

Posie,

Thank you for referring to the link in Psychology Today . The one part that really stood out to me I put below. It was pretty much the same thing my Therapist was telling me at my last session.. This really gave me a lot to think about yesterday.

It is a false belief that if I'm incomplete, I have to be completed by another person. You have to do it through your own life, your own work, for your own pleasure, through individual growth. The more fulfilled you are, in terms of things that you do separately that please you, the more individuated and more whole you are--and the more intimate you can be. Then you're not expecting the other person to make you happy. You're expecting the other person to join you in your happiness.

http://cms.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-19980701-000026.html

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anonymous user
Thu, 10-21-2004 - 8:35am

Hiya Lost,

Pretty amazing read, eh? I particularly liked the passage you quoted, but this bit also really rang my bell:-

"The other flip-flop in choice of affair partner reflects the fact that the marriage often represents a healing of our family wounds. Somebody who lacked a secure attachment figure in their family of origin chooses a mate who provides security and stability. It's healthy to seek that balancing.

But after we've mastered that, we often want to go back and find somebody like that difficult parent and make that person love us. There is a correlation between the nature of the attachment figure and the affair partner; the person is trying to master incomplete business from childhood. As a result, some people will choose an affair partner who is difficult, temperamental, or unpredictable. Under those circumstances, the unfaithful partner is often caught in a triangle."

http://cms.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-19980701-000026.html
____________________

You're definitely headed in the right direction, Lost. Self-knowledge and particularly self-awareness were the keys for me in working out why I'd made the choices I'd made. The path isn't the easy one to take and I salute your courage for choosing it. While it isn't easy, it most certainly is immensely rewarding.

Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie