thankful
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| Fri, 06-25-2010 - 8:53am |
Today hits my 1 week mark. Tomorrow morning actually, since I texted him last Saturday morning after getting his "I must be out" message from Friday night. I'm feeling a little down right now but have plans to play golf in a few hours with some girlfriends.
I have to remind myself what I am thankful for:
- my kids - they are amazing
- my health - I am blessed
- my work - successful at what I do
- my mom - I don't give her enough attention and credit
- my friends - I don't have too many because of isolating myself these past years, but I'm going to work on that.
- my personality - which I am looking forward to finding again
- my body and my looks - running since high school and yoga = I look pretty good for 44 :)
Feel free to add - we'll call it Fuzzy Friday - ha
Bodhi

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My Dear Bodhi,
It's wise to focus on what you are thankful for. It's makes those thankless moments of the A sting less. I know you are feeling sad because even though your MM doesn't know yet what you are planning to do, you've still had a week of NC which causes symptoms of withdrawal; and
~Iddy~
Bodhi,
A big congratulations on Week 1!! You can and will make it through this. It is a great idea to remind ourselves of what we are thankful for. I'll add to this list.
I am thankful for:
A very loving husband, two great well-adjusted young adult children, my awesome network of friends, my beautiful and supportive mother, my community, my job, my nice home.
I am also thankful that I have the resources--EAS, therapist, friends--to help me improve my being.
Oh, and like bodhi, I'm thankful I'm still looking pretty darn good at 47!! (More a result of good genes than effort, though.)
I'm also thankful for coffee, hairspray, chocolate chip cookies and Grey Goose.
I'm mostly thankful for all the experiences in my life that have made me who I am--the good, the
Thank you SO much Iddy. I'm actually thinking I will just stay "disappeared". I agree with you, I don't owe him anything. Plus, I've had enough sad goodbyes in the past, cried wolf too many times. I don't need the drama and his ego doesn't need to be fed anymore!
<<>>
I hope you do too - and I might take you up on the email offer :)
Bodhi
Thank you Always! It's so good to read positive things - makes the light at the end of the tunnel brighter for us just starting toward it.
Bodhi
I love this post….
Congratulations on your one week! Keep up the good work. You can do this.
There's something I forgot to ask you...you mentioned something about how you might feel when you see his car down the street. That tells me that you either live near his house, his job or that your job is in his neighborhood. If so, yes, that's a tough one, I have to admit. If you're a renter, you might consider looking for a new place. If it's your work, and people don't actually come to your office much, you might also consider relocating it, as I believe I read in your posts that you own the company (What do you do, by the way?). If these aren't an option for you, then I guess you're just going to have to try not to look in that direction as much as you possibly can. Eventually, trust me, you're not going to care. But that could take some time. Just trust the process. Know that you ARE going to feel like crap most likely. But it WILL pass. Hang on, keep doing the next right thing to help in your healing and come back here to check in, find support and stay motivated. If you do this, I guarantee that three months, six months and a year from now, your life is going to look SO much different, and you will wonder why it took your so long.
Good on you!
Sillyme -
Thank you. I had an "incident" this morning that was yucky. 5 voice mails from him from last night. Short version - him accusing me of going out. I texted him back, which I shouldn't have done. I was upset because I wasn't doing anything wrong. I haven't said the words "leave me alone" yet, and NOW I know that it needs to be said. I thought I could just disappear and he would get it. I should have known better
About his car being down the street - we work a block from each other and unfortunately (fortunately, really) I own my building so relocating isn't an option. And he is head of a company that's main office is where it is and not going anywhere.
I'm going to have to force myself to just not look down the street. And to take alternate routes. I'm going to run into him eventually I know. I just have to get strong.
<<<>>>
I sure hope hope so. And the "next right thing" in my healing is to text him and tell him I don't want any contact from him right now which I'm going to do first thing in the morning - my phone is off and I don't want to turn it on for fear of more messages.
You asked what I do - I'm a graphic designer :)
Bodhi
"I sure hope hope so. And the "next right thing" in my healing is to text him and tell him I don't want any contact from him right NOW (?) which I'm going to do first thing in the morning"
"any contact from him now needs" to become NEVER. It sounds like you want to leave the door open.
and block him from your cell phone.
Hurts like a mother - but you'll soon learn you gotta do what you gotta do.
(hugs)
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
TU -
I know. And my thoughts are with you too - I know you just went through a tough decision with the email accounts.
I can block his cell from my cell, but it won't matter. He calls my house and my office too. And he calls from his work and I can't block those because there are many different numbers, and his work is a client of mine so I get calls from other people there.
It has to change and I know I am the only one who can do it.
Bodhi
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