thankful

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
thankful
22
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 8:53am

Today hits my 1 week mark. Tomorrow morning actually, since I texted him last Saturday morning after getting his "I must be out" message from Friday night. I'm feeling a little down right now but have plans to play golf in a few hours with some girlfriends.

I have to remind myself what I am thankful for:
- my kids - they are amazing
- my health - I am blessed
- my work - successful at what I do
- my mom - I don't give her enough attention and credit
- my friends - I don't have too many because of isolating myself these past years, but I'm going to work on that.
- my personality - which I am looking forward to finding again
- my body and my looks - running since high school and yoga = I look pretty good for 44 :)

Feel free to add - we'll call it Fuzzy Friday - ha

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
In reply to: bodhi2010
Sat, 06-26-2010 - 9:34pm

Sucks eh? I can only partially block too. Just changed my cell phone number but I can't block him from my school account. I just discovered that after getting an email. So, the work rests within us. Each moment of no contact is a gift. Time to be used to insulate to the max and be ready when they breach our boundaries. I am not foolish: he isn't 'done with me' yet. But each day that passes, we grow stronger.

Thank you for your support & kindness.

I am thinking of you too.

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
In reply to: bodhi2010
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 2:21am

Bodhi..

That sucks that you have to be in such close proximity to him. I say approach this thing as if you are fighting for your life, which you are. If you thought that seeing him literally posed a threat to your life, you would end it probably with no hesitation. Like if he was cancer. Well, he IS cancer to your soul and your happiness. He is poison. He is toxic. Besides all of the obvious reasons, also because he treats you like he owns you. Like you're a "thing". He has NO right whatsoever to question, accuse or anything else. That is simply not his business, and he is disrespecting you completely. In any and all ways.

Cool that you're a graphic designer, by the way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
In reply to: bodhi2010
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 7:17am

Sillyme and TU -

Thank you so much for your thoughts.

<<< He is toxic. Besides all of the obvious reasons, also because he treats you like he owns you. Like you're a "thing". He has NO right whatsoever to question, accuse or anything else.>>>>

And as I said - the reason I didn't want to turn my phone on last night - I had 5 more messages. The first one was garbled. The second one was just mean. I didn't even listen to all of it. I texted him that I wanted to be left alone and turned my phone off again.

My mouth is dry. I need to go for a run. Actually, a sprint.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
In reply to: bodhi2010
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 9:47am

Bodhi,


Just wanted to chime in with some words of encouragement. I know you have had an incredibly rough week and even worse weekend by the sounds of it. You took that step this morning, even if you made contact, hopefully you meant leave you alone and NOW... no more contact. You are not alone in your pain and healing and there will be incredibly tough times to come. Be strong, stay true to yourself and know you are doing the best thing, the right thing and the most healthy thing for you and your soul. I hope you went out for that run!!! That can be medicine in itself. If you haven't, get going... just run until you cannot run any more. Come home, take a nice hot shower and do something for yourself today that makes you feel good. Stay strong and huge hugs!


Healing

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: bodhi2010
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 9:57am

I agree with Healing. If in fact you texted him to leave you alone, this is your avenue

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
In reply to: bodhi2010
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 10:10am

Healing and Iddy -

I did it. He called my house this morning after I sent the text and long story short (Iddy, I emailed you the slightly longer version) I told him not to contact me until he has decided to leave his M.

I did go for my run and sweated my a- off. I felt great. Now it's storming and cozy. I'm feeling relief more than anything right now, but I'm not fooling myself that the real work starts now.

Thank you all for everything and in advance for the help I know I will need to finally put this behind me.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: bodhi2010
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 11:20am

Bodhi,

<>

Even when they decide, Bodhi, it doesn't mean they will follow through. I just don't want you holding onto hope over something that will probably never happen. You have to start living your life "believing" that he is no longer going to be a part of it. I can't tell you how many women held onto that hope, and two years later they were still lapping up those empty promises that MM was getting a D. A signed D decree is what you need to see, but by then I can almost guarantee that you will have moved on, possibly meeting Mr. Right in the process.

As more time and distance passes where you are A free, you are going to uncover some very rude awakenings along with some very powerful epiphanies that will have you totally questioning the last 7 years and why you allowed it to happen. Most times the XOW realizes that their XAP was NOT the man they thought he was. Add to this the sole nature of having had an A with this person, and you will cringe at the thought of ever wanting him in RL. I am 6 years out and still see XMM every day. Even after 2 years out, I was seriously questioning what the heck I ever saw in this man. Besides, if they felt entitled enough to have an A, they will still be of this mind set if they haven't gotten help, (IC or MC),in dealing with this selfish character flaw. IOW, if you were to get this prize, it's always possible that he will do to you what he did to his W.

Just some food for thought,

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
In reply to: bodhi2010
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 11:31am

Iddy -

I hear you, thank you. And, as I have realized in the past week, he has many issues and character flaws. I know in my heart he doesn't have the courage to leave his M. And I know in my heart that he would have to do a complete "about face" to become the man I want. So I agree that I am to move forward toward something unknown, not picturing him at the finish line. Being single scares the bejezus out of me. But not more than anything else these days!

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: bodhi2010
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 12:16pm

Bodhi,


<<Being single scares the bejezus out of me.>>


I had to LOL when I read this sentence. I use this word a LOT, and let me be the first (at least today anyway) to tell you that being scared is perfectly normal, so be sure to read the

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
In reply to: bodhi2010
Sun, 06-27-2010 - 6:36pm

We are all afraid, whether married or single. The unknown is frightening when we reach the point of ending an A, but trust us, it's the best thing you will do for YOU! You are all that matters now.

Hugs,

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/