Thanks everyone
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| Fri, 05-13-2005 - 10:11am |
Thank you to everyone for their support. Yesterday was a bad day. After two years and making plans to get married and buy a home and have a baby, I felt I deserved a little better than a goodbye email. So I asked MM to meet me at a park near me and we met last night after work. Nothing is any different but at least I got to talk in person and I felt like I needed to make a few things clear to him. He says that he is doing this for me and that its the best thing for me but I wanted to get the point across that I was aware he had kids when I met him and I don't care that his family is upset about his divorce and he is doing me no favors by taking two years of my life and filling me with hope about a life together, only to yank it away at the 11th hour because "its best for me". I did not want him to go off thinking he was this noble guy who was doing the right thing. Its a crock of sh&t. You say you love someone, you work on the relationship and stick together thru things. You don't skulk off into the night to have a fresh start because it is so messy. Basically he is a coward and I called him on it. So I said, I'll go and leave you alone, but don't think you are some hero here. I told him that I'm not mad and don't hate him but its very sad and he is wrecking a good thing out of fear of people's reactions. I then told him that though it appeared to him I was this basketcase, calling and seeing him, I actually was not - I was taking his advice to heart to find someone new and in fact have two dates with two news guys this weekend. I think these people think you are just so in lvoe with them, you will never leave. I am in love with him but I've moved on before and I can do it again. So it was sad and he cried but I didn't. No more tears for this man. He of course had to get it in that if we are meant to be together we will after he has his life in order. Whatever.
Its very sad but I've taken a good look at the men I've attracted and a consistent theme emerges: they all, deep down, hate themselves. They are drawn to me becuase I am a good person but then they feel unworthy of someone loving them and turn on me. So when MM said for me to find someone who deserves me, this time I will not beg and plead and say he deserves me. Thsi will I will find someone who deserves me.
Wish me luck on my dates.
Ivy

Good luck on your dates. Let us know how they go!! That word noble struck me..because I always thought my exMM thought himself "Noble" for not being able to have this EMA.. and I have told him there is nothing Noble about starting and stopping contact with someone you supposedly love every two months. I don't care what the purpose or cause -affair or not--his actions and the way he handled it and me--completely erased any type of "Nobility"...though I am sure he thinks he has been noble..to this day.
Exactly. I find it difficult to put into words but that is what bothers me alot. MM seems to have no sense of personal responsibility - or maybe he does, but his solution is to say - go find ye a new man - as if somehow that absolves him of all the time I've spent on his useless promises. Sometimes love isn't letting go but rather pulling someone close to protect them. Pushing someone out the door so you don't have to deal with their pain is not love. Solving the situation that causes the pain - that is love. But they seem to think its noble of them to "set us free" and they get to suffer silently. its all twisted because they are the ones causing the pain. I actually think something is wrong mentally with MM. After our conversation last nt, I felt good and I think he knew it becasue today I got an email from him - first one in a while without my prompting - and it just said "I love you!" He can't stand not knowing waht I am thinking or not being in control of my emotions. But I am not responding.
Not this time.
Ivy
(((Ivy)))
I am so very proud of you for standing up to this man. You could have sat there crying in your beer (coffee, or whatever) but instead you confronted him with truths and realisms of what he has done to you, and whether he takes it to heart or not, you were able to say what needed to be said. You seem like a very strong woman (whether you believe it or not) and the best thing you can do now for both of you is to go NC. Distance brings with it perspective on a situation that had us spinning out of control. The only way to get your bearings back is to elliminate all emotional interference, and that includes even reading anything he writes to you. Block his emails/phone calls. He is going to say anything to lure you back into his madness once he fears you are out of his radar.
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If you know this, then cash in on it. It's time for you to do a disappearing act. Be strong, and have fun this weekend. Start putting Ivy FIRST!
Thank you so much!!!
I have butterflies for my date to tonight. We've spoken 3 times and emailed daily for 2 weeks. This is our first date.
Yes, MM has radar because he emailed "I love you!" today, even after yesterday's conversation.
I plan on doing a little disappearing act of my own.
Single gals can disappear too.
Ivy