Thanks & Starting Over
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| Mon, 11-01-2004 - 9:59am |
xOM and I spoke briefly yesterday. He got another call and told me to hold on. I waited a few minutes then hung up. Why should I wait? Then I got angry. I called him back (he didn't answer) and left a VM that basically said, "You have NO respect for me. I'm tired of you calling me only when you want something. It needs to end now. Please don't come to my show next week and please don't call me again - ever." Half an hour later my phone rang. I didn't pick up and he didn't leave a message. Then he called back 5 minutes later...so I shut my phone off. This time he left a message saying that the person that called was a friend of his from Boston and they hadn't talked in awhile, and by the time he clicked back over, I had already hung up, blah blah blah. He ended the VM by saying, "Well, I'm going to bed, gotta start my new job tomorrow, so I'll talk to you later".
No more. He truly does not respect me even the slightest bit. He thinks I'm a drama queen and will just do as he wishes...and up until today, he was probably right. I think it was Posie who said I probably would end up sleeping with him again - and I just may have. But not now. I can no longer allow him to control me. I deserve better - hell, I HAVE better!!
Saturday will only be an issue if I allow it to be. I know he will be at the show, but I intend to change clothes quickly and hopefully get out of there before he can talk to me. He knows the bars I go to, so I called my friend and told her I wanted to take her to a few 'new' places for her bday (that way he can't just show up wherever I am). To avoid the 2am call (that I'm sure I'll get) I am going to shut my cell phone off and give H my friend's cell # in case he needs to get a hold of me.
I'm taking back control of my life starting today!
Diva

It's very hard - I know what you mean. I was only in my A for 4 months, but those 4 months were so passionate and loving. It's hard to just walk away from all that. Sometimes I can't even remember what my life was like before I met XOM. He consumed so much of my time while we were together, and even now that we are apart.
I have been holding on - why, I don't know. Maybe he is too. And obviously my VM did nothing, and I'm sure he'll be at the show Saturday night. I say I'll be strong, and I am going to work hard all week long to make sure I am, but I know that night will be a turning point for me. I have to make the right decision.
I am so glad to see that you and W are moving past the A. Congratulations for taking control over your life. Your support and progress are an inspiration to me.
Diva