Then, what???/

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Then, what???/
3
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 12:31pm
I've got this obsession to know what is going on in ex-MM's life. I'm dying to know "if" he followed through with his divorce, or "if" he used our breakup to go back home to his family.

So, I ask myself, if I knew then, what? Will me knowing change anything?.....no I don't quite understand why it is so important for me to know this. But, it is almost about to drive me nuts.

I have even thought about calling ex-MM, but I can't even bring myself to do that. I just can't do it.......

I feel like I'm stuck, and don't know what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 1:18pm
I hear you, Secret. I think it's normal and natural to wonder like that. The problem for me is, xMM & I have mutual friends & former colleagues who know nothing about the A and from whom I can VERY easily and casually get information about him. But it took me until now to realize that every piece of information I get about him just causes me more pain. If I didn't ask, I'd rarely hear anything, so it's really my own fault. So I'm making a vow to myself to stop seeking out any news about him.

I think when I'm seeking out the info, that I'm just trying to hold on to a piece of him. And I also think I'm looking in vain for a sign, any kind of a clue, that he might still be thinking about me. I can't think of any other reason I would want to know what's going on with him.

Anyway, long way of saying -- finding the answers to your questions is not going to make anything any easier, in fact it may just do the opposite.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2004
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 1:28pm
Every time you think about calling him, ask yourself if either of his answers would make you feel better? Because I'm thinking not. "IF" he followed through with his divorce and is trying to build a life (that you must not be a part of) would that make you feel better? If he didn't get a divorce and broke up with you so he could get back with his family, would that make you feel better? Probably not. I know it can't stop you from wondering, but sometimes things are better left unsaid.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-01-2004 - 1:29pm
I think you are right. I'm probably trying to hold on to any part of ex-mm that I can. I, also think part of it is out of habit. EX-mm had involved me in his life for so long, all the little intimate details of his marriage. Even when we were together, I was obsessed with knowing every little thing. And yes, when he shared, most of the time it was so painful, that I could hardly stand it.

I have to keep reminding myself that what goes on in his life in strictly NONE of my business. His life is his life, and my life is my life, two totally seperate lives.

Thanks for you post