Therapy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
Therapy
18
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 5:32pm

So, if you have problems in your life you go to counseling to help you sort your problems out, right? OK, now, where do you go to when you are having problems WITH your counselor?

I've been in Therapy most of my life. I've had group therapy, psychoanalysis, cognitive therapy and others. My current counselor is psychoanalyst and psychiatrist. I had to go shopping for a shrink for a while, before I found her. We used to get along well, till recently.

She was the first to know about the A, and she managed to make me laugh about myself. At the time, I wasn't in treatment, I just came whenever something came up and we would talk about it in a session or two. After the A, I started having a weekly session.

Eventually, I stopped talking about xAP to her. She had said it was a fantasy and that I should focus on my marriage, so I figured there was nothing left to talk about. But that was the one subject on my mind all the time. Since then every session became a torture to me. I wanted to talk about what was happening to me, about my feelings - I wanted to get better - but I didn't know how to bring the subject up again. So I would talk about something else, something I SHOULD be worrying about, but which mattered very little to me at that point, and would leave the session crying, because it was such a waste of time and money.

Two weeks ago, I managed to bring up that I was having trouble with the T. I said I was feeling that I was being left alone with my interior voices, the ones that keep saying that I won't get anywhere, that I don't deserve anything, that nothing will ever be good for me. She asked me whose voices they were, and I cited the usual suspects, my sisters, maybe my mother, I don't know. And then she asked about my childhood for the nth time.

I'm just tired of replaying my childhood over and over again and finding nothing unusual, nothing dramatic that explains my low self-esteem, my bouts of depression, my great idea of entering an A.

I really really really don't want to talk about the A with her anymore. But I don't want to talk about something else either. And I don't trust myself without some kind of counseling. So, I'm just stuck.

So where do I go to, if I lose hope in therapy?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: prudence10
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 10:29pm

Hi Prudence,


It sounds like you put some time and effort into picking your T and that you were having some success with this T.


<so I figured there was nothing left to talk about.>>


She didn’t outright ask you to no longer talk about your xAP, you got a response from her and you perceived as an absolute and applied it to all things about your xAP at least that is what I understand from your post.


I see nothing wrong in your T pointing out fantasy vs reality and encouraging you to focus on reality. My T did that and thank God because I was not seeing things very realistically at the time. Also when things were first raw, she would sit quietly and let me go on and on about the A and xAP. In later sessions though, she steered me towards focusing on me and my problems because reality is xAP has nothing to do with my core issues other than he was a person I tried to use to try to escape from them and reality. She could have happily taken my money each session and let me go on and on about the A and xAP but I would have never gotten anything worthwhile out of it. She did suggest that I journal my feelings about the A, xAP or any other feelings I had. Has your T suggested that to you? It is a healthy way to vent those feelings.


My T also told me some things I didn’t not want to hear. I rejected some of her comments for a long time but guess what in hindsight, she was spot on. She would not hesitate to tell me if my line of thinking was setting me up for failure or if I was playing the victim and was blaming someone else for my own inner rubbish. In other words, she would call me on my shiznit. She wasn’t rude about it but she was direct and to the point. She is a tough old bird

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
In reply to: prudence10
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 6:32am

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer, E1. You gave me much to think about.

<>

Yes, she did suggest it, and I did it for a while, then considered it not safe (I feared someone would see it). Lately, I've been trying to do it online, but without much success.

<>

You mean, that the A is over? No, I don't think I struggle with that. It is over, I think it's unlikely that xAP ever contact me again and I certainly won't try to contact him. However, I still struggle with some aspects of the A.

<>

Sorry, I meant to say - and I don't know if it sounds better - I would bring up something "kosher", something other than what I was thinking, but were not supposed to be thinking about. It was something trivial, like my eternal annoyance with my sister. I don't even remember what it was, that's why I think it was a waste, because it wasn't really on my mind. It's like going to the doctor with excruciating back pain and only speaking about acne. So maybe it's not much different than making something up.

Ah, yes, the resentment. My old companion. Someone here said once that resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other one to die. It's really spot on. And so difficult to let go.

Love and hugs to you too.

Pru

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
In reply to: prudence10
Tue, 05-18-2010 - 10:20am

Where do we send the check, E1? That was like meta-therapy, six months worth! You so rock. Thank you for the thorough response. You were dead on and I got a lot out of it!

Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: prudence10
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 7:08pm

<>


Put it towards Aunt Ruthie’s bail! (You saw that coming didn’t you?)


Love your pic sweetie! As you see I got off my double wides and posted one too! Woop there it is…so much for me staying anono-mutt.


Much love and big hugs,


E1


Whether you think you can or you think you can’t you are probably right.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
In reply to: prudence10
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 7:22pm

E1, you're back!
And in fine form, with that pic btw.
my pic is all stretched and funky. I'll have to tech-up and figure out how to fix that.

Nice to see and see you!
Dee

Hey, everyone... Put up pictures! They help solidify an image with a poster (not necessarily a face!) and it helps one keep track all the girlies. What do you think? A class project??

xo
d

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: prudence10
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 7:37pm

Prudence,


In my last reply I meant to compliment you on sticking with your IC even though you had hit a rough patch. So I want to get that in first thing so I don’t forget this time.


Regarding journaling:

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
In reply to: prudence10
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 9:43pm

Prudence, i am sorry to post not related to this but i can't help to comment how beautiful E1 and Dee are.


I cannot say anything substantial b/c E1 and Dee covers it all but i do wish for the resolution of everything that A cause havoc in your heart.


Peace, healing, and blessings to U my sister in journey :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
In reply to: prudence10
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 10:49pm

Who said beautiful women can not be super bright? U too are just beautiful. I want to post a pic!! Let's a
post that have no fears, even if u don't leave it up. I wanna post sooo bad!! I am so happy to have seen three of ya! So so happy!! I may post mine...love ya gals..

So so amazing!!

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
In reply to: prudence10
Wed, 05-26-2010 - 10:56pm
(giggle!!) it's always perfectly acceptable to hijack post as long as it's about me!
ahahahahaha.
(thanks, you cutie pie! xo)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
In reply to: prudence10
Thu, 05-27-2010 - 4:10pm

Thanks for your kind words! I’m just trying to keep up with our beautiful CL-Iddy that set the standard for sexy-diva-studette-ness!


And Jane if you are reading this…love your pic too Ms Hotness! Cute, fun and creative it says Jane all the way.


Been meaning to ask AlwaysT2 is that your real pic? I like that 50’s look it’s all that an a bag—o—chips!


Hey Ms. Dee-sirable—I think your pic looks fresh, fly and off da chain! I like the background. The only photo shopping I did to my pic was to remove the booking number from the sign I was holding when they took my mug from that lil escapade earlier in the year

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

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