Therapy
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| Mon, 05-17-2010 - 5:32pm |
So, if you have problems in your life you go to counseling to help you sort your problems out, right? OK, now, where do you go to when you are having problems WITH your counselor?
I've been in Therapy most of my life. I've had group therapy, psychoanalysis, cognitive therapy and others. My current counselor is psychoanalyst and psychiatrist. I had to go shopping for a shrink for a while, before I found her. We used to get along well, till recently.
She was the first to know about the A, and she managed to make me laugh about myself. At the time, I wasn't in treatment, I just came whenever something came up and we would talk about it in a session or two. After the A, I started having a weekly session.
Eventually, I stopped talking about xAP to her. She had said it was a fantasy and that I should focus on my marriage, so I figured there was nothing left to talk about. But that was the one subject on my mind all the time. Since then every session became a torture to me. I wanted to talk about what was happening to me, about my feelings - I wanted to get better - but I didn't know how to bring the subject up again. So I would talk about something else, something I SHOULD be worrying about, but which mattered very little to me at that point, and would leave the session crying, because it was such a waste of time and money.
Two weeks ago, I managed to bring up that I was having trouble with the T. I said I was feeling that I was being left alone with my interior voices, the ones that keep saying that I won't get anywhere, that I don't deserve anything, that nothing will ever be good for me. She asked me whose voices they were, and I cited the usual suspects, my sisters, maybe my mother, I don't know. And then she asked about my childhood for the nth time.
I'm just tired of replaying my childhood over and over again and finding nothing unusual, nothing dramatic that explains my low self-esteem, my bouts of depression, my great idea of entering an A.
I really really really don't want to talk about the A with her anymore. But I don't want to talk about something else either. And I don't trust myself without some kind of counseling. So, I'm just stuck.
So where do I go to, if I lose hope in therapy?

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Hello, E1
Just saw your post! Too much traffic, I guess.
First off, I'm giving online journaling another try, and I noticed that I was really missing it. So, thank you for mentioning it.
Yes, I do tend to overanalyze things. I don't want to be unjust and I want to learn from my mistakes so as to not repeat them. And, irrationally, I feel like everyone else has the answers, and don't want to give them to me, because I'm supposed to find them myself. And, I ask me, what if I can't?
In a T session, I said the A was an escape from reality. She said, let's go back to reality then. So I do feel like she doesn't think it's productive to talk about the A.
And, lately, I'm supposed to let my unconscious do the talk and it's not been easy. I don't trust my unconscious, I don't trust it will bring something relevant to the table. I'm still trying though. In fact, our entire session today was about how I don't trust it, and she ended it, when I said it's about control.
And yes, I want to please everybody before myself.
You said: <> Like what? Sorry if I sound rude, E1, but I've been exploring it since I'm 17! When will this big thing in my makeup finally show up?
I'm just tired of looking for a reason! Maybe I missed the memo on how to put pleasing myself before pleasing others! Maybe I can't tell the difference between pleasing myself first and being self-centered!
Sorry again, just tired and frustrated today. Thank you for listening. Will try to get some sleep now and let my unconscious talk to me in my dreams.
((Hugs))
Pru
(((Pru)))
Just wanted to say sorry I missed this thread until now. I saw the word Therapy earlier in the week and thought I wouldn't have much advice to offer but planned to get back to it....So today I finally read it, and it looks like our lovely E1 knew her stuff and then some.
((E1 and Dee))
You 2 are just too hot for this board. ;-) Just wanted to point out that I am probably old enough to be your mother, but it's amazing how the stress leaves one's face when they are no longer a walking tight rope of nerves and anxiety. Affairs age us. I had to really, REALLY take stock of my health when I ended mine. Thank God for Revlon Color Silk and Oil of Olay. Don't forget to take your vitamins too, ladies. I've been a vitamin popper for 20 years and swear by them. <>.
Great thread.
((Hugs))
~Iddy~
Hi Prudence,
No worries you did not sound rude just like you are frustrated. That’s understandable.
You said you were 17 when you first started looking for the answers. You certainly have a stick with it attitude and that is a very good quality. What lead you to seek counseling at such a young age? I realize this is a public board so only answer that if you feel comfortable.
I can only begin to imagine how incredibly frustrating it must be to be working so hard and not have all the answers you are seeking. You must feel like you want to buy a vowel, phone a friend or at least use the 50/50.
My T would give me her take on things if she saw I was really trying and still coming up with zilch or if she saw me over in deep left field she would tell me to come in closer cause it’s going to be a ground ball and not a pop-up fly.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Hi E1,
Your post stired up a lot of emotions, so I waited a few days before responding, so as to sort a few things out.
I started T at 17 because I didn't know which career I wanted to persue and was feeling a bit lost.
I think you hit the head of the nail with your remark about me feeling like I'm broken and need fixing. I did know that about me, but I keep forgetting that I'm looking for a cure to the disease called... imperfection, maybe. Thank you for reminding me that there is no cure, that we can always improve ourselves, but in the end we will still be... us.
Thank you once more for your help, it's much appreciated.
((Hugs))
Pru
Pru,
Who knows what they want to do with their career at 17? I mean, I am goinf to be 37 on Sat and am highly educated and still do not know what I want to be when I grow up....sounds like you have been too hard on yourself for a long time. STOP. U r fine just the way you are, you need to be your best ally, hang in there and stay here, we have like having you on the board.
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
I never read through this thread, but am so glad I did now. All I can say is WOW. E1, you are truly a blessing to all of us here. It is hard for me to imagine how hard you must have worked during your T to get to these
Hi Prudence,
You know what I like about this posts the most? That we got away from talking about xAPs and As and got to talk more about Pru and who she is and what she is! I know the board is designed to address ending an A but we also encourage the journey to a healthy us! You shared a bit of yours and I thank you! We are so much more than our A and sometimes reading so much about them here we can forget that we are bigger than them.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
I believe there is something empowering about sharing and reading each other’s stories.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
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