there is hope!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
there is hope!
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 12:22am
Hi guys -- I was a regular poster back in November & late 2002.

I was leaving my affair of over 3 years with a man who was my dear friend

of many years. It hasn't been easy & we tried to stay friends since our breakup.

But I met a guy -- I'm not saying he's THE "one" but he's neat & fun & sexy &

thinks I'm great. AND he's single. It's wonderful to be able to tell friends

about him -- to hear him say he's telling his friends about me. To go out together --

to go anywhere we want without fear, paranoia etc. And to be together guilt

free -- it's SO different from an affair. You can't imagine how light & free &

fun it can be without all the baggage of an affair. Anyway, my current happiness

made me think back on when I thought there was no hope & think of this place &

all the hurting that's here. You are all in the hardest part but there is hope.

I didn't think so back then either.

I didn't do no contact with my former lover. I'm not talking to him now by his choice

because it's hard for him, with me involved with someone else. I respect that

& just know we have a connection & some day maybe we can talk again. I still love

him but he even admitted he feels lighter & freer now. The "burden is lifted," he

said. He still says he wants to leave his W eventually & was tempted after the A ended,

but I think he's glad he didn't. If just for his kids & his own sense of duty.

I don't know -- that's his & all his now. where it belongs.

But I'm genuinely happy now -- not just because of my new guy but because I

made a new life for myself without my lover at the center anymore. I developed

interests -- including working out, rock climbing, friends, & doing a lot more

with my kids. I won't always be on this cloud -- I haven't always been but my life is good & strong & happy & I'm so glad I ended the A.

You'll get there too -- good luck everyone. It's so hard but there is another

chapter for us all.

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 12:55am
Thanks for posting, foolforlovej. It's clear you're no fool! Congratulations on breaking free off the affair shackles. Keep it up. It's always good to hear from people who have made it out, and I'm glad you're one of them.