therepy focus - MM or H?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
therepy focus - MM or H?
2
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 4:58pm
The day I was waiting to talk to my MM about ending our affair, I called and made an appointment with my therapist.

My question is: Should I go alone and just talk about MM and the whys, what is next etc. OR should I talk to her about my strong belief in NOT telling my husband and then bring him in the next time and just do couples therapy?

My H knows I'm going in to see her and that I want us to work together. He is not aware of any issues that I would have to work on alone for our marriage though and I don't want him to think I am there alone to complain about him. I have told him I need to get back into therapy and I want to work on our marriage.

I can't believe what a trusting supportive NON questioning husband I have. I just realized that!

Part of me just wants to go see her with my husband and put back together what was falling apart - and maybe I'll get over MM naturally as I strengthen my marriage.

My therapist already knows about MM and my reasoning for getting to where I am. Now I just want things to get better and I am anxious to start working with my husband - or does anyone suggest focusing on the MM?

I know it will be up to the therapist and me together, but what has worked for any of you?

I don't want to give MM my time in therapy! I will resent that for some reason! I don't want to have to pay $$ to talk about him! I can do it here for free :)!

This place is awesome.

Any advice?

Thanks! I get stronger every time I come here!



iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 5:14pm
That is such a good question, and I am curious to hear other's opinions on the subject. I am in exactly the same boat. I had my first apt. last week, and basically I spent the hour telling her my life story, so hopefully next time we'll get more into everything.

Personally, I really do want to address the OM. I want to get it all out, validate that it did happen and why, and then begin to rebuild. I also am very anxious to get back on track with my H, but I need to clear things up in my head first, and understand what it was that I was lacking that led me to the A.

This place IS awesome!!!! I think I would still be in off-and-on hell if not for you guys.

Hugs, Lily

Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 5:53pm
Dear Lazyone,

They recently had a good discussion on "All Sides of an Affair" board re: Individual Counseling (IC) and Marriage Counseling (MC). Take a look at it and maybe you will be able to extract what you need for the next time you go to therapy. The post by "Seaofchange", I found to be interesting. She is married, and had an affair that ended last year.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rbmyaffair&msg=6847.3&ctx=128

I have never gone to therapy so I have no advice to offer. I have a psychology major, once upon a long time ago, so self therapy has been my life life. BUT, if I was in an affair and considered myself also in a relatively happy marriage, I wouldn't hesitate to seek counseling. Thinking that I am hurting my spouse is WAY beyond my scope of understanding, so you gals who are confronted with this have my deepest blessing in your search for happiness.

God Speed in your journey,

~True~

P.S. Hope this helps you too, Lily (and anyone else :)