There's a hole in my heart :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2010
There's a hole in my heart :(
10
Wed, 11-03-2010 - 2:03pm

Thanks ladies. I had a couple of nice replies when I first posted in another section and was told I should try in the general discussions thread. First I want to say how sorry I am to hear that there are so many of us who have been hurt, are hurting and have been down similar paths. As sad as it is, I am really glad that there are people who can understand the pain that I am in and can support me through this difficult time. I’m hoping that I will be able to provide support to others as well.
I guess I should post my story so that you can all know what happened (and in the many books I’ve read about grieving in the past several months, part of the grieving process is to tell your "story"). So here goes...it’s long so I apologize in advance but I think I need to get it all out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 11-03-2010 - 3:06pm

Cait,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Once we do this, it somehow eases our pain just a bit. Carrying around such a heavy burden (secret) all alone can be very exhausting.

First I would like to tell you how sorry I am over the loss of your father. The void that is left after a parent dies is very large, and it will take lots of time to deal with how much you are missing him. Secondly, you have had to endure another loss which only compounds your sadness, so I am very glad you have found us. The gals here will all become your new CF's (Cyber Friends) and

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 12:04am

Oh Dear Cait,

OUCH!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 9:41am

Cait,

I am so sorry about the loss of your father.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2010
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 1:29pm

Thank you, you ladies are absolutely wonderful for your supportive words.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 2:20pm
Sweetie, for your sake and the sake of your future well-being, tear up that letter or delete if it's on your computer, before it falls into the wrong hands, or is read by innocent eyes. There is no closure in an affair. Put the word "Closure" in the search option and start reading all the posts that back this up. Closure will have to come from within..and this takes time...a long time in some cases. Also, sending that letter now would be a selfish move on your part because your A is over in his mind, which means he is working on his M now (If there was disclosure). Again, it could fall into the wrongs hands/eyes on his end too.

You will get through this. It's just going to be a while until your heart accepts that what was said and shared happened under the light of deception. We said and did things out of character when we were dancing in those A shadows. It was all "in the heat of the moment" stuff that went "poof" as soon as that moment ended.

(((Hugs)))
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 2:21pm

Cait -

Strength comes with time and closure comes from within. I'm glad you wrote XAP a letter to get your feelings out, but under no circumstances should you send it. He made promises he didn't keep and it hurts - we've all been there. This is about your journey now - no one can make you feel like crap unless you let them. Keep reading and posting - I promise that the more you focus on YOU and your M, the better you will feel.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2010
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 9:16pm

Iddy...I think it was you who asked...I have been to counselling for the A, but haven't been back to see my counsellor since my dad died or since the A ended.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 10:22pm
Cait,
I can't do much more than welcome you right now and tell you how sorry I am for all you have been through. I am a personal wreck myself at the moment and am just trying to get through the day. I will tell you that the love and support you will get from EAS is amazing. Follow the advice. Read everything. Ebrace the love and support. Post. Post often. Use this board for your betterment because no one minds. That's what we are all here for--to share stories, to share insights, to give encouragement, the knock the crap out of each other when we need it. You have found a good place.

~alwayst2
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2009
Thu, 11-04-2010 - 10:23pm

Cait, thank you for coming here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Fri, 11-05-2010 - 12:55am
Cait,
Just wanted to also assure you that you have found a safe place. I'm two months out now and read here every day. Thank you for sharing your story and I too am sorry for the loss of your Dad.

XO
Chechi