These are difficult

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-17-2004
These are difficult
1
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 10:20pm

times when a relationship has to end and my A of 10 months needs to end. I have been lurking around here for a bit reading and absorbing all the conversations. I know that my relationship is going to go nowhere. I love him dearly and I know he feels the same but he has made it abundantly clear he will not divorce. I have posted on another board but didn't get much assistance in coming to terms with what I have done here.

I am single, old enough to know better (53) he is 52 and his premise for the affair was because his wife has been non intimate for several years as a result of menopause. Now I know that there must be something else going on but I don't live their lives so I cannot judge that part. I was reading the male point of view and do understand that men do hurt as much as we do. We finally had a discussion tonight that was needed over a week ago. My job keeps me on the road and so it is difficult for us to talk sometimes due to time zone differences. Emails have failed miserably for us this past week and that usually works.

I know I am the OW and therefore entitled to nothing but I do yearn for something to show I am thought of. That won't happen because afterall he is married. I cannot be put up any level higher than I am since I am the OW. I have hit the level of lower self esteem and realize this isn't me so I need to end this now before it gets any worse.

I am hoping for a meeting with him on Thursday when I return to town and hope that I can be strong enough to not buy the stories and platitudes and rationalization. I have been sick this week and had to almost demand that he at least ask how I am feeling. What I heard instead is how he did not feel good a couple of weeks ago but didn't get sick. Anger then sets in for me and that is not like me.

Just had to vent and would love any support or words of wisdom anyone has to give.

Avatar for alice700
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Tue, 01-11-2005 - 10:37pm
And why do you need to see him?
Reread your post and tell us why you need to see him.
You can also just write him a letter or an e-mail telling him what you told us.
You don't owe him anything.
Good luck,
Alice