Thinkin too much
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| Mon, 06-21-2004 - 6:36pm |
I chose to end the affair and I told him that while I am in my marriage I can't continue the affair. Am I happy in my marriage? No not always,(you know, the every day hum drum of married life), but still it's not my nature to do this. Hopefully he has decided to finally not come back into my life like so many times before. My gut tells me he still has feelings but because he will not benefit from me for sex, he just will give up on bothering himself with me anymore. That's fine cause now I can try to get on with my life.
Sometimes I feel like I'm mad at myself more than anything, for getting involved with him. And realistically I can't get mad at him for pursuing me or trying so hard like he did to keep me in his life cause in his eyes it's okay to do this, he sees no wrong in it at all.
Maybe by now he has moved on to another. He hasn't had any cooperation out of me for sex in almost 2 years so, he could have very well be choosing another candidate. Who knows... It really doesn't matter I guess.
I'd love to be able to get inside of a man's brain and understand why this happens, what they think and why they seem to handle it and not get so emotional like alot of women do.
Today I made it thru another day at work without a phone call. Good for me.
Please tell me that my heart will heal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for listening. Thanks for being there!!!!!!!!!
TCOM

"I'd love to be able to get inside of a man's brain and understand why this happens, what they think and why they seem to handle it and not get so emotional like alot of women do. "
Seems to my male perspective on life that being a woman is complicated enough, so why try getting into a man's brain? We're wired different. Sometimes it comes down to a "rules is rules" mentality and perspective. There are a lot of woman-based thought processes and reactions that I as a male simply cannot understand, so I merely accept that there is a difference and respect it. Try it yourself in reverse.
If I didn't merely accept the differences, I'd drive myself nuts trying to put a square peg in a round hole....and I don't mean to diminish or in anyway demean the differences between the sexes, just observing from my limited male brain.......LOL
AS for the addiction you had, i.e., the affair and its secret life and thrills and spills....boring or mundane is how your marriage may be at this time, yet I remind you of another one of the "rules is rules":
Husbands want their wives happy. When the wife is happy the husband's life moves along smoothly. If there's a little too much "mundane", wife makes make some suggestions. Take some action. Men get fearful of failing their partner. And the downward sprial goes from there. Ask for something different. Send the kids off to gramma's and have a "something for a something" night. Get the little head thinking on your husband and oila, end of mundane....
The affair was an escape from the hum drum. And a bunch of other things. Address the underlying humdrum and other things, REALLY settle the reasons you gave yourself for permission to stray
Your heart will heal no question about it, the day will come and sooner then you think when you will not give XMM a second thought or a first one for that matter, because he just won't matter anymore.
I takes to two be hum drum, what are you doing about it if you don't like it.
Be well
Free
I know in time everything will be okay again!!!
Thanks for listening!!
TCOM
I believe everything happens for a reason and maybe all the events of my affair was really to open my eyes to see that I have a good man at home that GIVES me real love and not a man that TELLS me he loves me, and wants my love for his benefit only.
Thanks again!!
TCOM
I can relate to your story very much.
I haven't officially ended my A (although we never had full blown sex), I've
thought about ending it a lot the past two days.
I found out on Monday that I had a lump in my breast. I started to think that
this was a wake up call for me - there my H was being supportive (in his way -
not how I need him to be, but I can't control that). Anyway, the point is he
is the one that would be there through everything not MM.
MM has told me that he had bad luck, etc. I am a very lucky person. I started to think that this was happening to get me away from him. I just heard from the Dr. office that everything is ok - it is just a cyst.
So I am seriously thinking of telling MM - just forget it -
we can only be friends. But I'm not sure I can do it. I did it once
before and caved to him.
I only see him once in a while at work. He had wanted to have drinks this week but
it just wouldn't work for me. You see his W is out of town. And I've had thoughts
like you that he doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with it either.
I can understand your getting mad with yourself for ever getting involved with him.
I have a great guy at home, too. He just was not doing the things I wanted. I was the one who pumped up our sex life and set up babysitters etc. for the past couple of years. I finally got tired of his not giving his 50%.
I need to take a good look at this and decide what to do.
Thanks for sharing. Question for you - when you do see your MM is the chemistry still there? Does it ever go away?
I have the most wonderful husband. He adores me, of course he has faults and it seems like those faults are the things that keep sticking in my mind. But I am trying to work on that. Do you have any idea on how we can bring the magic back/get out of the hum drum.
Thanks GL
Looking back over the course of it all. The whole event has happened just "like to book said" so to speak. It was always about when it was convenient for him. Not being able to talk to him when I wanted, or not being acknowledged for special occasions such as Christmas, birthdays, valentines day,etc. When I always tried to make some kind of acknowledgement to him regarding them.
The sweet words I felt like at the time I needed to hear, etc. I could just go on and on.
Based on my experience and in my opinion. I WILL NOT ever be involved with a married man again. Regardless of my marital status. It was a wild ride of emotion and sometimes I even feel like it was almost 3 years of my life turned up side down. I am still struggling some to this day getting over it and/or him. It has been a good while since he called me. I really hope he doesn't anymore.
You will make the right decision for yourself about continuing or ending your affair. One thing I will say tho. Follow your gut first, then your heart on your decision because 9 times out of 10 your gut is right.
Good luck and hang in there!!
TCOM
I don't know if this is what you wanted to hear, but It's what I felt like I needed to say. (especially to myself). Thanks for listening.
TCOM