thinking out loud

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
thinking out loud
3
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 3:30pm
I'm married and have been having a "do we or don't we" (no sex) affair with a man I work with (office is down the hall) for a few months. He was fine with our situation until he met someone else that he has been dating for the last 3 months. I could tell he fell in love with this girl very early on. It's really quite funny. He vacillates between wanting to pursue something with me and then pulling back, having second thoughts, etc. She seems to discourage any thoughts of a real future with him but encourages spending time with him. , casual dating. I have had such strong feelings for him that I had decided to just go with the flow and let whatever happened between us happen. I am now thinking that I am definitely on the losing end of this situation. I know he cares for me and doesn't want to hurt me but the back and forth of his feelings is just too much for me I think. Thought I could handle but it's really rather hurtful to me. The bottom line is I know he loves someone else and while I am committed elsewhere, I think I will be the one hurt here. I am guessing I should just try and cut this off cold turkey and tell him to leave me alone but I sure am struggling with that because it's not what I really want. Any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 4:17pm
Sjayne2601, Sit yourself down with pen and paper. Now list what you want out of life in order of priority. Look at where marriage, husband, children, integrity, honesty, affair and divorce fall. Hopefully you will be able to make a desision that you can live with for the rest of your life. I sincerely hope you chose what well make you happy till the end of your days.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 4:40pm

Sjayne,

My heart goes out to you but just spend a little time reading this board and the archives and you will see that what you think you want from this guy and what actually will happen are worlds apart (I wish I had come here before my A started). I would say go the NC route before this goes any further. Do what Jackson suggested and you will see that this OM has nothing to offer you but heartache, a lifetime of lies and deceit and becoming a person that you will not like. You will also jeapordize your life as you know it. Maybe try some IC to find out what you are truly missing in your life that you would want a R with this guy.

Think aloud here often and read and listen to what everyone has been going thru. Ask questions ask for suggestions, because you will find someone on here that has felt or gone thru the same thing. Your in my thoughts and prayers that you make the right decision for you.

DAF

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 11-17-2004 - 7:25pm

SJ

Go with your head and it will help you avoid a broken heart, deal with your marriage well you still have it, men are not stupid and often are more aware of there wife then she may think, if you think not read Daf history. You said on the MASB that there was nothing wrong with your marriage, that being the case then you need to look inside to find out what is going on, most of the time affairs are all about "ME" someing inside of me is needing to be medicated by the FEELINGS brought about by the affair, it is a very expensive medication one you get to keep paying for even after the affair is over for years to come.

JMHO

Free




Edited 11/17/2004 10:04 pm ET ET by mefreenow