for those in LC

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
for those in LC
43
Sat, 09-19-2009 - 9:36am

Hi everyone who's doing LC (work/ neighborhood),

WHEN were you able to stop crying???? During the day I have so many moments in which I have to fight the tears (sometimes I can't even fight them). I feel physically ill. I dream about him at night, that he is holding me in his arms where I feel safe, and then I wake up and I can't sleep anymore... I am still so deep in the fog

After how many days became the moments of crying less and less?

HTGO

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Sat, 09-19-2009 - 10:11am

Hi HTGO...


I'm L/C with family friend/neighborhood....just s*cks...


I think being in L/C keeps the fog with you ever so slightly. It really does get easier with time and just trying to focus on how to change your thinking. B/C really in the end this is all about you and the void in your life and you trying to fill it up. What helps me is thinking about the reality of what life would be like if I was with xMM and when I really think about it I know he is not the man for me. I also try to think about all the great things about my H, and really how lucky I am in this life. It might seem silly to do this but it is better than feeling sad about not having xMM in my life the way I thought I wanted him to be. But what I have really learned over the past 3 years of being on the horrible rollercoaster ride is that time really is what helps. The pain will subside....with L/C you might have days where it pops back up but it gets easier and easier to deal with.

At-Peace

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Sat, 09-19-2009 - 10:18am

HTGO,


I am having a tough time now as well. I feel really strong and focused when I am with him during the work day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Sat, 09-19-2009 - 11:09am

Hi So_sad and hi Izzy,

I am so thankful that you both answered to my post, because
I feel so sad and vulnerable right now. It's like you said, Izzy,
during the week, when you can sort of 'be with him' at work or in the neighborhood, it seems to be more bearable than in the weekends.

I am so sorry for both of you that you are struggling with this too... but I am also glad that I am not alone in this.

For now, I finally stopped crying. It's almost evening where I am and I think I've cried almost the whole afternoon. I thought I was never going to stop crying!!! The pain was so UNBEARABLE. I don't think I ever felt such pain.

I have to admit, that in the end, I drank some wine (yes I know that is not the solution, and normally I never ever drink alcohol) but at least it made me stop crying, although my eyes still feel as if the tears can start flowing again any minute.

This morning I tried to keep myself busy, I had to go somewhere with my son and my parents (and even then I was about to start crying!), and then I went shopping, but after that it only became worse. Also because I saw xAP in passing by, and he was so COLD to me. That's the stupid stupid thing of LC... it seems as if your wounds never get the time to heal... because he is around and you'll see him no matter how hard you try to avoid him.

Izzy, your post reminded me of something that my xAP would do. It's something similar to what your XAP did. One time I gave him a bj, and then the phone rang... and who left me in this very vulnerable spot ... yes, xAP.He left me right where I was (definitely NOT a respectable place!) to pick up the stupid phone.

And he was only available to me when HE wanted to. Not when I needed him. Never. Only when HE wanted to.

Yes, I need to remind myself of those things.

I am just sad that we are the ones crying so much about all this, while they don't waste a single tear over us. No, they're having fun.

But like the people here say: we have to concentrate on US, not on them.

And that is SO hard.

Thank you for being here
Hugs,
HTGO

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Sat, 09-19-2009 - 12:10pm

Okay Ladies, these xap's have too much power over your emotions.

Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Sat, 09-19-2009 - 2:15pm

Hi Energy,

Sometimes I am in the anger stage, but it never lasts more than a morning, or maybe a morning and an afternoon. I know the anger helps, I really wish I would be angry the whole time.

htgo




Edited 9/19/2009 2:16 pm ET by how_to_get_out
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Sat, 09-19-2009 - 9:50pm


SoSad said it all when she said

"just trying to focus on how to change your thinking. B/C really in the end this is all about you and the void in your life and you trying to fill it up."

That's really what it all comes down too. We started having an A to replace what was missing in our lives. It's time to deal with those issues head on.

I had a really nice day with my nieces today. We laughed, shopped, ate........something I haven't done with them in a long while. Tonight, I'm going to relax now with a glass of wine and a book. Tomorrow, I am planning to have a family dinner. It's the beginning of the fall season and I love to decorate this time of year. I think I will do that a little tomorrow as well.

One day at a time....izzy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Sun, 09-20-2009 - 3:19am

Yes So Sad is very right with what she says. I just wish I could stop crying, it's making me crazy

I am very happy for you, Izzy, that you had a good day yesterday with your nieces. I hope today will be a good day too :-)

hugs




Edited 9/20/2009 3:21 am ET by how_to_get_out
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2008
Sun, 09-20-2009 - 8:16am

HTGO,

Thank you, but what I was hoping you would see that the answer to your question about "When will the crying stop?" is when you decide it will stop. Just don't cry over him anymore, he is acting like a child, giving you the cold shoulder because you don't want to engage in deception. Sounds like he is going NC, instead of LC so let it be. All the better for you.

Answer these questions for yourself....when I feel the tears coming, what will I do instead? What makes me laugh? Do that instead! That's what I'm doing! I will not allow myself to crumble anymore because of my xap! Good Luck, HTGO

Izzy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2007
Sun, 09-20-2009 - 8:57am

Yes, you will stop crying...I have been through a beginning, a middle, and a END about

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Sun, 09-20-2009 - 12:44pm

Thank you both for being so caring... :)
I haven't cried as much as I did yesterday, but that's also because I did not see him the whole day and there was no chance for him being cold and distant towards me. Really, NC is the best thing a person can do in this situation.

I wish I could move. If I would have another house tomorrow, I would leave right now.

Thanks girls
Hugs
Htgo

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