? For those who wanted MM to leave W
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| Tue, 10-26-2004 - 7:34pm |
Looking back though I wonder WHAT WAS I THINKING?
A new relationship w/exMM would've been doomed to failure. Even assuming our feelings for one another were genuine...which who knows on that count...I think about all the baggage we would've dealt with:
1. His vindictive exW
2. His newborn kid
3. His family knowing I was the "OW"
4. My family eventually finding out how we "really" got together
5. My exH (this is assuming I'd divorced) finally finding out how we "really" got together
6. Having to lie to people like co-workers about how we "really" met
7. Our kids having to deal with these issues too
And that's just the obvious stuff. Not to mention his emotional immaturity, lack of good job status, the fact that he's an ex-alcholic and drug addict (neither of which I could tell my parents w/out them freaking).
I've read that second marriages have a much higher failure rate than even first ones...so that, on top of all the extra crap that came with the A...we never would've made it.
I SO dodged a bullet...
My question for those who wanted to start up a new life with exMM, did you consider any of these factors if they were in play? And how did you think you'd deal with them down the road?
Apparently, I didn't think of them enough!!

"My question for those who wanted to start up a new life with exMM, did you consider any of these factors if they were in play? And how did you think you'd deal with them down the road?"
My xH was/is a drug addict, alcoholic, with a gambling problem.
Are you seeing your MM while he is trying to get free? My OM is not willing to do that. He believes that we should be separated while we both figure out our lives. My choice would be to continue with him while we straighten things out with our respective partners, but know that the honorable thing to do is to come together as separate, single individuals.
He believes that we will be together one day. Our plan is to get together in the New Year to discuss how we both feel, progress we've made, etc. However, I am dying until then. Feeling desperate everyday for that phone to ring...and it does't.
Please let me know how you are handling it/coping?
Thanks.
IG
No one should live their lives by statistics...but at the same time, when they're that grim, its kind of hard to just ignore them.
I wish you the best of luck. I am not saying an A can't turn into a wonderful relationship. But that's definitely the minority. Mostly I'm sure because people want the A to be a side thing and don't intend to leave their spouse. They just want something "extra" for a while.
I thought I wanted more, but I lied to myself about handling it. I couldn't have, and its definitely for the best.
My only point was that its amazing to me how blind I was at the time...the human mind is a powerful thing...you can convince yourself of just about anything if you try hard enough!
"Are you seeing your MM while he is trying to get free? My OM is not willing to do that. He believes that we should be separated while we both figure out our lives. My choice would be to continue with him while we straighten things out with our respective partners, but know that the honorable thing to do is to come together as separate, single individuals."
No, I am not continuing the affair physically.
"I thought I wanted more, but I lied to myself about handling it. I couldn't have, and its definitely for the best.
My only point was that its amazing to me how blind I was at the time...the human mind is a powerful thing...you can convince yourself of just about anything if you try hard enough!"
I totally agree.