For those wondering "Why?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
For those wondering "Why?"
13
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 12:41am

This may not apply to everyone, but I sort of had an epiphany in therapy today and wanted to share...

Lately I have been struggling with why it seemed so easy for xOM to get over me. I wonder why he hasn't tried to contact me since our last chat (1 month tomorrow). I wonder if he thinks about me when he hears our song, I wonder if he thinks about me when he sees a car like mine, I wonder if he thinks about me when he goes to Starbucks (a usual hangout of ours), etc, etc. I spoke w/T about this today and here is what she said (a little excerpt from our conversation):

T: "First of all, you are not him. You are not there with him and do not know what he is doing/thinking/feeling. You are wasting energy that should be put back into your M."

D: "I know that you are right, but it just makes me feel so used that he was able to get over me so quickly."

T: "Since you are so concerned w/ how xOM is feeling, did you ever think about how used he might feel?"

D: "Huh?"

T: "You knew xOM loved you and wanted to be with you, and you told him you felt the same way about him. BUT did you do anything to show it? What I mean is, did you leave H for xOM?"

D: "Well....no, but xOM didn't give me a chance."

T: "Really? When did xOM first tell you he loved you and wanted to marry you?"

D: "The end of May."

T: "And when did xOM break up w/you?"

D: "The beginning of August - right after I came back from a 2 week vacation to London w/H."

T: "Hmmmm...So a little over 2 months, during which you were still very much engaging in marital activities w/H, wasn't enough time? In whose eyes?"

BAM!!! LIGHTBULB!! BELLS & WHISTLES!!! I spent so much time being upset about how xOM hurt me, I didn't stop to think that maybe I hurt him too. Anyway, I'm working on getting over it and I think I took a small baby step tonight. Yay for me!

Diva




Edited 1/12/2005 1:37 am ET ET by actressdiva

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 4:09pm

Bbarj & Lost -

Did we all date the same OM?? :-) I too, wasn't attracted physically to xOM when we met. But over the coarse of a month we became close friends. All it took was that first kiss, and I was hooked. He was pretty good in bed too, I must say.

Did I love him? I'm still not sure. I thought I did. But then when I said to T, "If he loved me, how could he walk away?" and she answered, "If you loved him, why didn't you leave your H?" things got a bit clouded. I think more than xOM, I loved the way xOM made me FEEL. He placed me on a pedestal. I was the most beautiful, most talented, most perfect person ever created in his eyes. Who wouldn't love feeling that way?

I must admit, I shed many tears over this relationship. The pain was tremendous and my grief over losing xOM was terrible. I still cry sometimes when I hear our song, but thank G-d I don't cry when I go to Starbucks anymore ;-)

Diva




Edited 1/12/2005 10:43 pm ET ET by actressdiva
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2004
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 6:51pm
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i was just asking my 1 girlfriend that knows, the exact same thing?! I was also wondering if i was single would i have even bothered w/ xOM. I'm trying to quit smoking (something xOM & i did together) but i want 1 right now!!!!!!!!!! i'm going out of my mind. i think i just need to get off the boards for today cuz it's making me think of him even more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2005
Wed, 01-12-2005 - 10:30pm

As much as I hate to see others go through this same pain as I feel, it helps to know there are others that are M and OM is single. I just kind of find some similarities in the situations. I never thought too much for OM's feelings until reading some of these posts. I realize now how hard it was for him. For me though, I do love OM. I have for over twenty years. He is an old love and we are popping in each others lives every so often. It is really hard. I do believe from what I read that you don't leave your M for OM, so that is out of the question.

Thank you all for your support again and sharing your stories. Hang in there and stay strong!

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