Thoughts about telling my H
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| Wed, 08-04-2010 - 1:53am |
It's been a long time since I posted here. Long-time A ended and I have been extremely LC with XMM for over a year. LC happens because he is a member of a friend group we have and we have to see each other sometimes. This year only twice so far. He has fished a few times, but I "blocked and walked" a year ago.
Rather than waste any more of my valuable time talking or thinking of XMM (sanctimonious jerk)... My question concerns my relationship with DH. This is a wonderful man who would do anything for me (I think). He was suspicious of this other person during my A but I always denied it. Now that it has been over for so long, I find it is difficult to really be close emotionally with H.
A friend of mine is urging me to confess it all to him. This person is religious and says I need to "confess" my sins so that they are out in the open and only then can H and I have a happy, healthy marriage. I have doubts. I don't want to dump my "junk" on him just so that I can feel better. But maybe she's right and I need to "feng shui" my life (if there is such a thing)...
Other friends say don't do it. It will hurt him. It could make matters worse. Maybe he would never trust me again. Maybe he would leave.
I want to do what is best for H and my M. I know the A was wrong. I was wrong and made bad choices. I just want it to get better now... not worse. I want to do the right thing.
I am certain there must be much discussion on this topic here somewhere. Can anyone offer advice or direct me to a previous discussion on this topic.
Thank you very much and my best wishes to all of you here. *Getting out of the A is the best thing you can do for yourself! Going NC/LC is critical to your health and well-being. Take it from someone who thought she was going to die without hearing from "he who shall remain nameless" every day with that all-important ego boost of affirmation. He is not worth it! Choose life rather than an empty life-draining relationship!!!
Amfree
Amfree
"Go confidently into the direction of your dreams! Live the life you always imagined."
~Henry David Thoreau

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NOOOOOO - do not tell your husband!! therapists recommend keeping it to yourself. telling him will only damage your primary relationship with this wonderful man who would do anything for you. no no no - the only reason you feel like you want to tell him is b/c of the guilt. this too will pass. never tell the spouse: never, never, never! find another way to show him how much u love him, exercise your butt off (and the guilt, too). good luck to you my dear.
To be sure there are divided camps.
Please find a therapist and work through your particular situation with their guidance. Trying to come to a final decision from the opinions of the posters here might be a wrong move for you as an individual.
I wish you well & trust you to make the decision that feels best for your whole family. You are the one that will have to carry the consequences of whatever decision you make.
My best,
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
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