Thoughts on closure....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2011
Thoughts on closure....
3
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 9:42pm

So, as most of you know I've been out of the PA for almost 4 months, but have been in a bit of a "friendship/EA" for those months.

Sometimes you just have to die a little inside in order to be reborn and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2009
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 9:52pm

Glad to hear you are serious about ending it. Continuing in the EA would just continue to hurt both of you and wasn't making progress. I know I tried to end my affair many times, not ending contact even after a bad d-day, until I had had enough. I believe there is something to it when we commit to it ending and know it in our being, so I do not doubt what you say. However recognize that at the moment you are still in the "high" of the last contact. Where you probably said how important the other person was to you. How much you value and cherish (maybe I assuming, but that is often how these things go). This "high" will fade, you will want to talk to him again. Hold onto this resolve.

I know the others will chime in with the steps you know about from reading here. Block and Walk, NC, etc. Its all solid.

You ask about staying busy. I agree that finding something todo which takes you out of yourself helps so much. The summer of my d-day, when husband left and I was in paralyzing limbo about him and xAP, I was working with disadvantaged young people. The job was infruriating, challenging, heartbreaking and rewarding beyond belief. There was something so unbelievable and perspective shifting about my day being invested in others than prevented some of the "woe is me's". While at work at least I couldn't dwell on my own pain, which sometimes did seem quite petty in comparison.

Keep posting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2011
Mon, 04-16-2012 - 11:05pm

kpbaby80~ While I agree that I probably am still on the high from contact your comments about talk of "cherishing & value" actually made me laugh. Our last conversation couldn't have been farther from that.

Sometimes you just have to die a little inside in order to be reborn and rise again as a stronger and wiser version of you!
Avatar for worthmore
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2012
Tue, 04-17-2012 - 6:59am
"I realize that is probably unusual for affairs."

Not at all. Not even a little bit. Millions of people have affairs just like that. It's what mine was like.