three weeks NC

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
three weeks NC
1
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 5:23pm
It feels good to read email and know there are poeple out there like me. I am sorry that we are all here and not out enjoying life somehow. It has been three weeks for me with NC. We had a relationship for about 9 months. We talked about being together and we said we loved each other. We talked all the time. I thought for awhile that he was seriously going to leave her. Then his job got extremely busy and I know bc my husband works there too and I barely talk to him. He went from calling me about 4 or 5 times to about once maybe twice a day. I couldn't take that (i know how weak)so I started to get a defense and thought he just didn't care about me anymore He also told me reality hit him and he just could'nt do it right now but to hold on and he could see us together one day. so I told him I could't do it anymore and I tried ending it. He got mad and said I would never be happy with my husband and I was making a big mistake. Well I hung up and I felt bad bc he was upset with me. So I waited over the holiday weekend and called him back after 5 days. We said we thought about each other and he said he would call me back. He called me back two days later eventhough he said he had been trying the last two days. I asked if he still wanted to talk and he said you know I do and he still felt the same. Well two days went by and no call so of course I was weak and called him. I asked him something about his family (we talked about that the last time) and then I tried to get off the phone. He wanted to talk and I asked him why he is still doing this with me and he said he enjoys talking to me but we are barely talking anymore. He told me he is busy at work and it will die down eventually and not to give up yet. I asked if there was something worth holding on to and he said yes and to lets just see what happens and we needed to talk somtime. He asked me not to get pregnant with my husband and we need to talk. Well three days went by and he had not called me. Its like he was telling these things but sure didn't act like it. I called again and we talked and he just got alittle tiffy and said we need to meet and talk and I said why. He said I know where he stands (about not leaving now) and I am so mean about it. Well we agreed to talk later. He called me back that day and I said we didn't need to meet each other to talk. I apologized for being selfish wanting him to leave his wife when I had no thoughts of leaving my husband. he said I did not pressure himbut I feel like I did. I could tell he was upset wwith some things I said to him (told him he needed to be with his wife and his kids needed him and I needed to be with my husband and I wanted another child. I said that I really did not think we would have been good together anyway - he disagreed. We talked some more and said nice things to each other (thinks about me all the time and said it kills him to think of me getting having another baby. He said we need to talk and could he call me in the morning. I thought we were going to talk some more bc it was going so well. He didn't call so I called him that afternoon and he blew up at me and said he can't win with me and he thought about it and he said that he was not going to call me today bc I told him I was happy and I was going to be with my husband and I know where he stands and I keep giving him the third degree. He said he had to go and I said lets never talk again. Well of course he didn't call back for being so rude. A week went by and I just felt bad for how things ended so I called him. He was nice and kept asking me things about whats going on and I was short and said I didn't want to have hard feeling and hate me and he said " I could never hate you I was thinking about you all weekend. Well I was strong and didn't say it back and then told him to take care and hope everything works out for him and hung up. I know that was alittle bothersome to him bc out of the 9 months he always had to be the one to get off the phone ( I see it was a contol thing now) Well just that little sentence he said made me realize that maybe I made a mistake in ending it too soon. So i called three days later and he said that he would call me back bc he was busy - that was 3 weeks ago. I found out last week that his wife is pregnant ( they just found out the week before after everything went down. - I had to talk to her (she thinks we are friends). She said it was a total accident and he was not too happy about it. It bothers me to know that he is having another baby (eventhough I know he does'nt want one-It will be the 4th) but to ask me not to do it. I feel stupid for calling all those times after I ended it. Now I feel like he brushed me off at the end eventhough I was the one who said it needed to be over. I know it's defintely over and I feel like such a fool but I still have this hope that he will call and say he was sorry for everything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: merehud
Wed, 10-13-2004 - 5:57pm
hi there Merehud--

You are not a fool; you are only a fool if you cave and go back. A few little mistakes like breaking NC don't make you a bad person. These are just minor set backs :-)

I posted a list of my 10 commandments awhile back on a day that i felt down. Here is the link to that thread; maybe one of those will help you!!

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlending&msg=14242.1&ctx=128

good luck and keep posting!

Meg