Time for me to leave this board?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Time for me to leave this board?
7
Thu, 12-31-2009 - 1:05pm

Hi, all...I've come home to an empty house on my lunch break so I could type this. I don't get the chance to post often, so, to me, it seems as if my posts are missing big pieces of the story and since they're so sporadic, I've skipped over emotions. I soooo wish I would've found this site sooner.


I'm not sure if frequenting this board is helping or hindering me at this point. I've learned so much and it feels soooo good to know I'm not the only one who was/is feeling the way I'm feeling. I'm at the point recently where I've gotten a bit of tough love and really, I understand that (and I DO digest and process the advice I'm given), but am still at a point where I struggle with missing xap and OK--don't kill me--WANTING him to contact me so I

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2009
Thu, 12-31-2009 - 1:34pm

Free...don't leave! I swear, some of your posts (particularly the one above)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Thu, 12-31-2009 - 2:03pm
Hey Hard- back to "work" (yeah right) and on my BB. Thank u once again. I seriously thought there can't possibly be someone who is in the same boat. And yep, I'm in t..just started. A lot of "validation" talk at first visit. I can't seem to get over xap's rejection of me and just want soooo badly for him to call me. He went nc and didn't look back. I did break nc once though but again, he hasn't looked back. Other women's xaps break nc over and over and since I know that, it hurts that he doesn't try...does that make sense? Ugh. I know I'm pathetic and I'm lucky that he's not contacting me so I can't get sucked back in, but.....I've got a "Yeah, but..." For anything remotely logical that anyone says to me...its exhausting to me and I'm afraid I'm exhausting others....(All the while my sweet husband is telling me he loves me to the moon....) Again, ugh. Thank u again, hard....your support and comraderie is greatly appreciated! I guess I'll stick around until someone says U gots to go!!! ((HUGS)) free
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2009
Thu, 12-31-2009 - 4:24pm

Hi Free

You cant go.. no you cant. I can totally understand where you are coming from. I am all over the place. One min I am empowered to do anything I put my mind to. The next I am in bed all day crying myself to sleep. I know I am of no help to anyone. I cant even help myself LOL. I am trying. Really hard. I come on here for direction yes.. but it feels good to have ppl like yourself understand you. I talk to believe it or not my mother about this and a good friend. They do not see why I am so distraught. They are stating the obvious. Hes a Pr*ck why do you care. WELLL I DOOOOO! :( (unfortunately) But truth be told I loved the way he made me feel most of all. Ok and I am extremely attracted to him in many ways. Ok ok..shhh I am not going to think about that. It doesnt take much for me to fall to my knees. I want 2010 to begin ANEW. To be about my needs and my wants out of my life. I want to be happy with me. Where I am not chasing anybodies ass for validation. Now how is the question LOL. So stay. Post when you can. No pressure LOL.

Time heals all wounds, unless you pick at them.
--Shawn Alexander
Time heals all wounds, unless you pick at them. --Shawn Alexander
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2009
Thu, 12-31-2009 - 6:57pm

Free, I also kow how BAD it hurts NOT to have them break NC :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Thu, 12-31-2009 - 8:42pm

Believe and Hard....word word word word word word....word. This sharing of the brain stuff that I'm feeling with you guys is starting to creep me out. :o) The things you both post could be written by me...word for word.


I've got blackberry-induced thumb cramping, so I'm on here at home with everyone around at my own risk, but I just need support. It's been a tough few days and today is Xap's birthday. Yikes. I kind of was getting the feeling that nobody on here had anything to say to me because I was having such a hard, long-drawn out deal and full of "yeah, buts...." and contradictions.


Seriously, it feels really good to know I'm not alone here...I wonder why it is taking me so long. I know it was wrong. I know why I did it. I know why he went nc and I

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2009
Fri, 01-01-2010 - 1:12pm
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Edited 1/3/2010 8:02 pm ET by classy01
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Fri, 01-01-2010 - 6:38pm

Hi, Guys~


I hope you woke up this morning refreshed. I've had a pretty good day...little spurts of xap thrown in but for the most part, have gotten a lot of joy today from my two little boys (3 and 2)...so that's a step in the right direction for the new year!


Great advice regarding "post what you feel at the moment"...it's great that others understand what it's like to have such incredibly strong emotions that switch from positive to negative at the drop of a hat.


Love, love, love that my feelings about nc and his