A Toast ......

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
A Toast ......
6
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 4:11am
Hi Board,

I havent been here most of the weekend and just wanted to share my spirits with you.

I have still had NC with OM. None!! Yay for me! The great news is, I havent missed him one time. I am stronger than I gave myself credit for. In ONE moment of weakness, I allowed him to flood back into my life and the whole time feeling just as miserable as I felt when I was with him before. After a WHOLE YEAR of NC, I spent ONE week with OM back in my life, and it felt as though I relived that whole A. Thank God that this time around, it was only a week. I guess in the back of my mind, I wanted to believe that we still had what it took to be in a relationship. I thought I could still change him. For one week, I waited on him online AGAIN for hours. I talked to him about how I felt. I told him everything under the sun that I thought might make a difference for us. Nothing changed.

It isnt ME that cant make him happy, I have discovered. I am not sure that he can ever be completely content or happy with his life, no matter who he is with. Just thankful it isnt me.


I have had the BEST weekend with my BF, and thank the special hand that brought us together for giving me such a wonderful, amazing blessing in my life. I often think about how if I had still been with OM, that I really would have missed out on this normal, REAL man that I now have. I am discovering little by little that my OM was my way out of my own reality. My life was so unhappy, that he was my fantasy. YES, I fell IN love with him. And if asked 1 year ago, I would have dropped my life as I knew it for him. I would have ran to him as fast as I could with open arms. However, over the span of one week, OM helped me realize why it is that I am not with him. He showed me reasons that explain why I didnt leave my M for him after 4 years. I am divorced now, but it certainly wasnt for anyone but ME. I never could quite figure out why it was that I never left my H to be with OM. I wanted to, so many times, I wanted to. Something just always held me back. I never could figure out what was holding me back until now.

All in all, I am very happy tonight. I am happy that I set myself free, I am happy that I am with a wonderful man who lives with me and we dont have to hide. We hold hands in public and kiss in the store if we want to. And we can have as much sex as possible and not worry about the whole pregnancy issue. We ARE a normal couple, who are yet still young and have years of happiness to look forward to.

A toast to my EXOM : "May you live in peace as I am now free to do, May you find harmony as I have found, May you find out one day, someday, what truly loving someone means, And when you find that you are troubled in your life, I hope you get your problems sorted out because my number will be non-published, unlisted, poof.... disappeared...."

Wishing you all an afternoon and morning of sunshine!

H2H





iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 7:35am

"Wishing you all an afternoon and morning of sunshine!"


Wishing all of us

Love
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 10:20am
Here!

What a great message!! Congratulations on your happiness!!

ggirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2003
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 11:50am
KUDOS TO YOU DOLL. Your post reminded me of what I was thinking the other day...I think I'm ready to start casually dating again (sometime soon anyway). I was thinking that I'll probably eventually break down and cry when I'm in the arms of someone new I have a thing for (and vice versa)!!!!! It will be such a relief to be able to do NORMAL things....go out to dinner withour fear of exposure, call each other on the phone any time, day or night, make love and fall asleep together afterwards...oh, I'll be bawling I'll be so happy.

I'll make sure to fill everyone in on that when it happens!!!!



EDITED TO ADD PARTIAL SONG LYRICS THAT BROUGHT ON THE ABOVE THOUGHTS RECENTLY:

...Isn't this the best part of breakin' up

Finding someone else you can't get enough of

Someone who wants to be with you too

It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch

Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch

But wouldn't it be beautiful

Here we are, we're at the beginning...





Edited 8/23/2004 12:00 pm ET ET by happygal71

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Mon, 08-23-2004 - 6:06pm
Thank you for all of the nice words! You all are great here! This place has helped me so much in my life over the past few years, that I just hope I can give back now.

And Happygal,

Honey, you would absolutely love the way this feels, so just as soon as you become ready to date again... Go at it full force, dont let anything or anyone bring you down! I thought being in the A kept me in the clouds sometimes.... that A has nothing on this feeling. All my best wishes to you that you are able to date soon!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 1:57pm
AWESOME post!!!! One of the best posts I've read in a LONG time!!! I'm SOOOOOOOOOOO happy for you H2H and HappyGal - I'm in your boat... I think when that day comes that I can run and tell everyone I know that I'm in love and he loves me too and he's telling people and we want the WHOLE world to know will be like my spirit is flying through the sky! I've wanted so many times to run and tell the world that exMM loved me... but obviously I couldn't! I'm so eager for the day I can and will be loved SO openly!!!! :)

H2H - I love how you express words of good fortune for your exMM that's how I feel about mine - I want us both to be happy in our lives! Although alittle bit of me aches at the thought of him being happy without me - I never wish anything but good for him! It's good to see others feel that way too! :) But I think I'm the winner cause he continues on with the life he had... I get to go find the life I WANT!!!!! :)

GREAT POST!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 7:14pm
Oh Idesma, I know what you mean about wishing the OM/MM well and good fortune. I honestly do want my exOM to have happiness in his life. I do not hate him or wish him off to the devil just because he hurt me. I want more for him what I know he deserves. I know the man that he can be, I have seen that man, many times, and I want that man to have the peace and harmony I have found in my life. I want him to someday experience the greatness of truly loving someone. If he didnt truly love me then maybe one day he will find someone he CAN love like that. It is the best feeling. However, I do not want him coming back and forth to me asking me to get back on that roller coaster anymore. I cant handle it again. I either wanted a normal open relationship with him, or I wanted completely out. So I am now completely out and loving the life I have. It is so much more free. I am less stressed, I can run through feilds of lavender if I wish with the man I have now and if every person on earth sees us together its ok. I only wish that kind of happiness for my exOM. I cant blame him for everything, and I cant blame him for all of my hurt, because I am also responsible for putting that pain on myself.

Thank you for the kind words!!

H2H