To:Here 2 Help and Anyone else!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
To:Here 2 Help and Anyone else!
2
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 12:08pm
I still have another question about my ex-OM. He does not like to talk to me on the phone. What is the deal with the phone? When we were in our EMA, we talked on the phone all of the time. Since the EMA has ended, he only likes to talk to me in person, and then he always makes sure other people are around. I called him the other day when my husband found out about our past EMA. My husband had called OM and threatened to beat him up if he ever came near me again. I called OM right after that. I told him that I wanted to explain everything. He was willing to listen. He was okay with it and it really surprised me that he wasn't mad at me. He seemed to be very concerned. Anyway, that was one of the few times that he would talk to me on the phone. Usually if I call him and he knows its me from caller ID, he will let it go to voice mail. I can understand him being this way while I was married. I think that talking to me on the phone would get his emotions stirred up. Now, I have proven to him that I am really getting a divorce, but he still doesn't want to talk to me on the phone. I can tell that he is keeping his distance, yet staying close enough to see me until the divorce is over. But he still won't talk to me on the phone. What's with the phone? Is it his emotions getting in the way or what? Is he afraid that if he starts talking to me again and gets attached that I might not go through with the divorce? I think that I have shown him that I am serious about the divorce. SO WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THE PHONE! Help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 6:59pm

It's probably a security measure. With the privacy of the telephone, there is more chance of what is now considered inappropriate behavior and words. It makes it too easy to slip back in to "old," comfortable phrases, etc. So, I'd advise you to keep it public, as well. It's safer that way. Less temptation. Just my

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 9:53pm
Hiya Southerngirl,

I'm sorry that I don't know more about the specifics of your situation. You say your EMA has ended and that you are in the process of divorcing your H. You aren't clear about why you are phoning exOM and it does seem that you haven't let go of the possibility of the EMA being rekindled.

There could be any number of reasons exOM is reluctant to take your phone calls. I doubt that it's emotions since he seems pretty clear about keeping his distance by his actions.

Q: What is he saying versus what is he doing?

It may be that he's simply heard the one about you getting a divorce just that once too often and he prefers to let the dust settle before considering going there again (if ever).

It could be he may simply not want to be dealing with a potentially violent soon to be ex husband (and who could blame him) or it may well be he is worried YOU may fall back into the old behaviour of the EMA when that isn't what HE wants.

Q: What are you saying versus what you are doing?

Why not allow yourself some head room while your divorce comes through and afterwards, too. Allow the dust to settle some, allow yourself some clarity without the fog of exOM murking up your vision. Remember that there's a reason why most self-help books recommend no serious relationships for a period of approximately one year after divorce anyway.

Stop worrying about exOM and what he's doing/thinking/wanting and start focussing on whatever it is that Southerngirl is doing/thinking/wanting. While you're at it, work out why it is you are worrying about his actions when you can only ever control your OWN actions...

Wishing you strength & peace,

Posie