To:Here 2 Help and Anyone else
Find a Conversation
To:Here 2 Help and Anyone else
| Thu, 09-09-2004 - 10:57am |
I guess I am just a little confused about my situation. If you read through some of my prior posts a couple of weeks ago, you will see that I have finally left my marriage and I am wondering if I have a future with Ex-OM. My EMA was 4 years ago and OM and I were very much in love. Now he is divorced and dating and I am going through a divorce. My husband called OM this week and told him that if he ever caught OM around me again, he would beat him up. I just knew that OM would be scared to death because he has always been a little eery around my husband. OM is acting just the opposite. He is not running away like I thought he would. I know him very well and he has always been so paranoid about my husband knowing anything, that he would always run the opposite direction and stay away from me when he got scared that my husband might know something. Now that he knows that husband has found out, he is not running away. He is not coming real close to me right now, but he still comes in the same area that I am in where I can see him. I know that he is trying to lay low for awhile, but yet, he is not totally disappearing like I thought that he would. Is it because he knows that I am going to be divorced and he is not afraid anymore? Any opinions?

I don't post much anymore, but I lurk everyday and I seen your post and wanted to respond.
First of all, I am very proud of you for making such a huge move in your life. I am proud that you stuck with your decision. The hardest thing is to NOT back out at the last minute because of fear and go back to a place where you aren't happy. I tried leaving my H 3 times over a period of years and went back each time. The last time I left, I did it on the spur of the moment, with enough courage for me and 10 women, and after I left, I was so scared of everything. I was scared of how my daughter would feel about me, I was scared for my finances (wasn't allowed to work in the ten years we were married), I was scared that I would never find love, I was scared that if I did find love, it would not be with whom I wanted (OM). There were so many things. But that has been well over a year now, and I am still out here and just as happy in my life as I allow myself to be. You hang in there, it is such a wonderful feeling of accomplishment and freedom. If you stop to look back, you never see ahead. Always keep that in mind.
Now about the situation at hand... I think that your OM feels that he has nothing to hide from. The A has been over for several years now. OM may have feelings still, but that is something inside of him that no one else can see from the outside. He is not scared of your H. He is probably more fearful for you. He probably doesn't know exactly what your H is capable of doing to you, and he is wise to lay low until it all blows over. And it will. Shortly before I left my H, he found out ALOT about my OM and me. He didn't know ALL of the history, but he knew enough to make him angry. My H also called OM and I just knew that OM would never speak to me again for being so clumsy and allowing there to be "proof" out there that we existed during my M. But much to my surprise, my OM actually talked to my H very respectfully, and didn't give out any information that would cause me any harm. (My H was abusive) My OM also layed very low for a while, our A had been ended for quite some time. But he never to this day got angry with me for any of it. He was more worried about my well being. He was also never scared of my H, he hated my H more than anything for being the one person that stood between us being able to have a life.
I am guessing that your OM doesn't feel much different. I doubt he is scared for himself, just more worried for you. He is staying close enough to keep you in his sights, yet far enough to keep you from danger.
If he still isn't married yet, then there is still hope. If he is willing to tough this out and still be there the best he can, if it is even just as little as keeping you in his daily sights, then there are still enough emotions there to work with after this all blows over. Another thing is, your H calling him like that proved to your OM that you actually are finally doing what you said you were going to do. Actions do speak alot louder and are often better heard.
I have been in contact with my OM for a few weeks now after realizing that I am no more stronger than the next person when it comes to NC, and just to show you where my OM stands, he is engaged to be married in OCT, this year, and is having second thoughts about it. We have been talking as friends again, and we have had a few light talks about how we feel, and there is light at the end of the tunnel. You hang in there!
Hugs and Love and Support!!
H2H
I have read through some of your posts.