To:Here 2 Help and Anyone else
Find a Conversation
To:Here 2 Help and Anyone else
| Thu, 08-26-2004 - 5:45pm |
I have a good question for all of you. I said that I wasn't going to ask my OM if we had a chance at a future, but I did anyway. I called him this afternoon and talked to him. The first thing that he asked me was if my divorce was final yet. I told him no, probably in about 30-60 days. I told him about my house that I had found and that I was moving in this weekend. I told him that I would love for him to ask me out once my divorce was final. Then I asked him if he would. He said he didn't know right now. Then I asked him if he would let me drive his new car, and he replied, "well, you are still a married woman". I said, not for long, and he said, "yeah right"(that tells me that he doesn't believe that I am going to really get a divorce). Then I asked him to just tell me if he would ever ask me out or not. He said, Well you know I'm dating someone right now. I said, okay that, that was all that I wanted to know. Then I asked him if he was going to marry this girl that he was dating and he said no. Then he said, "I can't predict what will happen in the future". So, this is telling me that he won't give me a definite answer until my divorce is final. I really just wanted to see what he would say. I just want to know if you think that he is still interested in me? I feel that since he asked me if my divorce was final, that he is still interested. I just want some opinions. Thanks!

To be quite honest honey, there is no way to tell if your OM is still interested. I mean the results of your being divorced could go several different directions as far as the OM is concerned. The possibilities that you need to take time to look at are these: 1. He is just stringing you along, little by little (saying enough to keep you there, but not enough to get involved), feeding his ego. This meaning that he may think very highly of himself in his mind if he wooed a married woman enough to get divorced to be with him. Make sense? We have to take into consideration that alot of times, the excitement and passion become less after the married party is divorced. The risk involved and the chase it takes is over once the divorce is final, and many times that is all one person may be in it for. This is just ONE option, a part of reality for you to think about. 2. He may actually still be interested in you, he may actually still want to be with you at some point, but at this point, it wont be while you are married. If he wanted to be involved with you and the marriage didnt matter, then you wouldnt be in this situation. He could very well be with someone whom can fulfill his needs right now. Do things with him that you cant do. Maybe she is single and available for him at all times. That doesnt mean that she is THE ONE for him, it just means that she too may be filling voids he has in his life. However, if your divorce takes a lengthy period of time to get through, that is more time for the two of them to get serious. If he becomes too serious with her, then your chances of being with him in the future will be few. This again is just a reality. Something to keep in mind.
I would like to say that if you have procrastinated for a long time to him about getting divorced then I can see why he doesnt believe it is happening. SAME EXACT THING happened with me and my exOM. I talked about leaving my H for the whole 4 years of our A, and it wasnt until after we actually ended the A that I got divorced, only to discover that OM had gotten so involved with someone else while waiting on me, that he decided just to be with her when it was all said and done. My divorce didnt make a difference. Would it have made a difference had I divorced years ago? I dont know. And I cant spend my time wondering about the past because I will never be able to change it, only live with it.
One other thing I want to touch base with in this post is that regardless if your OM is there when you get this divorce, there will be a million more people interested in you. He is not the only man. If you dont get from him what you deserve after the divorce is final, dont give up and feel like you made a mistake. The only mistake you will be making is getting divorced for someone other than yourself. If the divorce is what is going to make YOU happy, then thats what counts. There will be other men out there to love you just as much if not more than you have ever been loved. If this OM goes on with his life with someone else after you have divorced, then be thankful that he isnt with you. Because that means he just wasnt what was meant for you, and in the long run he probably wouldnt have been the person you thought he was. I know it is hard when you love someone, and you want so much for that one person to feel the same and be there, but sometimes it is better to love and learn and let go than it is to stay and miss all the wonderful opportunities that await you.
Good luck and post anytime you need to. I am sorry it has took me this long to get back with you.. I have been at the doctors office all afternoon!!! UGH!!
Hugs and Love,
H2H