told DH wierd
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| Fri, 10-30-2009 - 7:41am |
OK, the A ended. Such pain. D day on his part. I decided I really wanted to repair my marriage. Make it affectionate, even have sex which we haven't for soooo many years, well before the A. So I was told him we have to work on the marriage or we'll be divorced. And I don't want to live separate lives. Maybe I was too sweet, too needy, but he said I must be having an affair. So I told him, it was an EA (which is was mostly, no IC) and I felt so close to him but I realized it was how I wanted to feel with my H. And H was always pushing me away, telling me we are not right for eachother. He didn't understand why I didn't leave him for the A. I didn't tell him about D day but I did tell him that he was my H and I love him and I want him to love me.
I told him if he wanted a divorce I'd understand. He said no. I said maybe we should go to MC, he said no. But get this. That night we cuddled (and even fooled around) for the first time in years. And every day, since then he's been nice, and I've been nice, and we've been closer! I still have this pit in my stomach, hating myself. Wondering how I got into this mess. I just don't get why he wants to be close to me????
Maybe he knew it was coming. Maybe he realized he didn't love me and now realize he does? I have no idea???? Help me on this! Please!!!!!!

Wow. I am going to be following your posts because it is similiar to mine. I was/am in an affair, but it isn't the same for the ap. I fell in love and he is too busy in his life starting a new business, family ect to figure out his emotions I think. I was primed for an affair facing a divorce from my husband and you would think an affair would then push you over the edge. It made me more fearful of what is out there, and step back and evaluate things.
Even with that, I asked for a divorce. I didn't get to share much because he said he didn't want one, although also doesn't want to go to marriage counsiling. I wanted a divorce for other reasons than ap. I think ap wanted me to see what I was missing, but that was great sex, but I have been missing more than that.
anyhow ... I crave miss my ap so much even texting it's over, I am not sincere because I don't want it to be. (i posted on mas too)
My husband has been so nice. It is kinda creepy actually but he said he would try to be more pleasant and be a better husband. WTH? Why did it take me falling in love with someone else ... and by doing so I detached myself emotionally from my husband and threw all those emotions into ap ...
We had a D Day His W found out. He's working on his M now, but my gut says it won't work. then what though. We both have kids. Not so easy. But I do believe he is my soulmate in every way. Every day I have a pit in my stomach. I fear this will take years off of my life. And I feel the shame of what I did. It was wrong, to lie. But when you meet that perfect someone your mind does things that is not rational. I have never been in sync with anyone like my A. Once in a lifetime as far as I was concerned.
I want the pain to go away. I want the hate I feel for myself to go away.