Tonight was hard

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2010
Tonight was hard
6
Sun, 08-08-2010 - 2:49am
Tonight was hard and I missed him....went out with some girlfriends, heard our "songs" and felt ill Would normally be sending him a message letting him know how my Saturday night was, and won't be doing that....posting here a minute instead. I don't drink and tonight I am very thankful because if I did, they would probably have been picking my crying *** off the floor. No drinks, no tears, no contact.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2010
In reply to: maydaytw
Sun, 08-08-2010 - 6:40am
I've done the exact same thing!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2010
In reply to: maydaytw
Sun, 08-08-2010 - 9:48am
Yes! We can do this. It is morning now and I am seeing things a little more clearly, although I am very much looking forward to a morning when he is not the first thought as soon as I open my eyes. The twisted range of emotions is just mind boggling. Last night when I heard "our" song, I thought of him, felt ill, and wanted to go home. Then I spent the time driving home hoping he has the same thoughts when he hears the music....why the heck do I even care. So this morning logic kicks in and I ask myself, seriously, I am a 43 year old woman who was told she looked about 30 last night, my husband thinks I am the most beautiful woman in the world....DO I NEED TO CARE WHAT THIS STUPID 45 YEAR OLD SINGLE MAN THINKS? NOOOOOOOOO......reality check, if he was as great as I make him out to be in my head he would not have been 45, single and messing around with a married woman....Repeat to self over and over. NO CONTACT...
Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
In reply to: maydaytw
Sun, 08-08-2010 - 10:41am

I think the key words that you used, are:


......reality check, if he was as great as I make him out to be in my head he would not have been......


If we could only keep that in our minds........ALL the time.


Hang in there..........

We only miss what could have been.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2010
In reply to: maydaytw
Sun, 08-08-2010 - 10:48am
Thank-you, encouragement from a man....I LOVE IT!! I cannot tell you how many times I have wished I had a man's perspective on this whole thing....Everyday is getting a little bit easier :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2010
In reply to: maydaytw
Sun, 08-08-2010 - 4:50pm

Congratulations on getting through a hard night without breaking NC. Those low points are real killers, and the fact that you took care of yourself, didn't drink, and came and posted to EAS are all signs that you're a strong woman who is moving forward.


You're reality check is right on the money, and it still amazes me how much fantasy we can create out of so little material. My xAP, also single, is 50 and has never had a relationship that lasted more than 3 years. Furthermore, many of them have been with MW!


I've continued to customize Bodhi's fantasy vs. reality post (http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlending/?msg=29211.1)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2010
In reply to: maydaytw
Sun, 08-08-2010 - 6:11pm
He was married once briefly, the entire relationship lasted about 3 years from start to finish and that was in his early 40's. I never asked about anything prior to that. I look back now and wonder why did he never marry before that, and what did he see in me. I don't know. He is in touch with his feelings, he seemed to feel whatever he was feeling at the moment deeply. I don't think he was good at hiding them. Maybe he was moody and I never saw it because we lived the "fantasty". When I was with him, I let him see perfection and I desired for some ridiculous reason to take care of him. I have an out of town husband, huge house, 4 older kids with crazy schedules, apparently I needed one more thing to take care of. He showed me love and he was very supportive, in a strange way we played house. What blows my mind is that he might try to come back into my life....why do they do that? Are we as big of a drug to them as they are to us? I don't know. As I am typing this though I am realizing that as far as AP goes, in my sick mind he was perfect. I did not want to deal with another wife. Wow. Tomorrow 2 weeks, no contact. He will be off meeting the new lady's (of 11 days) family. In a sad and strange way, I almost feel sorry for her and am so thankful for my husband.