Too much thinking today
Find a Conversation
|Tue, 11-20-2012 - 10:26pm|
So disappointed that I spent too much time thinking about him today. What a waste of my energy. He threw out another line very early this morning and it bothered me all day. And then he called. Or I'm assuming it was him. Same pattern, ring once and hang up. I told myself all day in a very loud voice 'DO NOT REPLY'.
It's a vicious cycle...NC then on again, NC then on again, NC. I want off this ride. He's hurt me too much to go back one more time. He told me he never cared about me, that we were never friends, that he never even liked me as a person. The last words were so horrible that I can't look back.
I said I was done, but apparently he is not getting it. I know it's because we've done this on and off thing so many times before. If I break NC to tell him that I really mean it, he'll pull me back in. I can't let that happen.
He always, always told me how weak I was. I have to show myself that I'm really not.
Please, someone tell me that I am doing the right thing. I feel guilty for ignoring and deleting and blocking.
I've been so shaken today that I can't even remember the date that I initiated NC! Ugh.