Too much thinking today

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2012
Too much thinking today
Tue, 11-20-2012 - 10:26pm

So disappointed that I spent too much time thinking about him today.  What a waste of my energy.  He threw out another line very early this morning and it bothered me all day.  And then he called.  Or I'm assuming it was him.  Same pattern, ring once and hang up.  I told myself all day in a very loud voice 'DO NOT REPLY'. 

It's a vicious cycle...NC then on again, NC then on again, NC.  I want off this ride.  He's hurt me too much to go back one more time.  He told me he never cared about me, that we were never friends, that he never even liked me as a person.  The last words were so horrible that I can't look back.

I said I was done, but apparently he is not getting it.  I know it's because we've done this on and off thing so many times before.  If I break NC to tell him that I really mean it, he'll pull me back in.  I can't let that happen.

He always, always told me how weak I was.  I have to show myself that I'm really not. 

Please, someone tell me that I am doing the right thing.  I feel guilty for ignoring and deleting and blocking. 

I've been so shaken today that I can't even remember the date that I initiated NC!  Ugh.


Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Tue, 11-20-2012 - 11:06pm

You're doing the right thing, Blondehigh.

Remember, this is all about you.  Why should you feel bad about blocking someone who is only trying to make you miserable and has said mean things?  He doesn't deserve any of your consideration whatsoever.

I wished you changed your number.  I've had to for different reasons...3 times over the past two is no big deal...and really, others have had to do it.  

I might at this point be checking with my local police and seeing what kind of laws are in place in your City in regards to harrassment, as this is now bordering on harrassment.

Don't feel bad...he's proven over and over again that he doesn't.



Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Wed, 11-21-2012 - 6:15am

I don't know what causes us to want more rejection, and more hurt.

I don't know what makes people want to reject us, and hurt us, over and over and over.

I do know it is up to you to make a stand, and declare your independence from rejection and hurt.

It starts by doing what is best for you. It may be hard but it will eventually feel better.

Best thing for you is NC and doing what ever it takes to maintain it.

There is never any reason to feel bad for protecting yourself from being hurt.

If you don't do it, who will?

I'm pulling for you. It's all on you. Get tough.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.