Too weary to carry on

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2000
Too weary to carry on
4
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 2:10am

After years and years of a semi good relationship with A; the last year or so has brought me nothing but grief....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2010
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 7:37am

Welcome Pen! You have definitely come to the right place to support you through this journey. You will find incredible wisdom, advice, and caring here. You will find insight and support. You will find so many women who share your pain and have experienced the exact things that you are feeling right now.


You are right...it is TIME to move on. Move past this chapter in your life and focus on your H and your M. I know you believe this A has added some "spice" to a dull M, but there were obviously other issues that you need to resolve that led you to be so deceitful and selfish for the past 9 years. I know this because my A sounds similar to what you are describing. It went on for me for 7 years. I am 117 days out of this mess and it has been a very painful roller coaster ride. I know this is what I actually want now...not just what I needed to do. I am working through my own pain and healing and focusing on improving the other areas in my M that were missing. S was never an issue within my M, always has been great before, during and after the A. BUT, you need to focus on all the other things that make a M last. What makes it fulfilling, what makes you happy.


Your journey will be tough, I strongly recommend the Healing Library down below. There are wonderful things to be learned through the pain and healing of others. You are not alone, but you are doing the RIGHT thing. You know that in your heart and soul...it is time to end this A and walk away. Good luck Pen!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 7:52am

Welcome, PM


Everything Healing-in-2010 wrote to you I will have to echo. It sounds like you are beating a dead horse and when this happens, it's time to bury it. I know that you are probably afraid of pulling the plug for good, but that's what we are here for; to hold your hand and get you over the next few emotional months.


Be sure to read the Healing Library and start working towards building up your resolve

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 9:46am

Penny,


Welcome, Sweetie. We will take care of you here. We will be here to hold your hand, offer hugs, apply the salve when your heart is aching. I read your post on MAS. Sounds like you really just knew it was time to move on. It takes a very enlightened person to recognize that.


It also sounds like you know to expect the hurt and sense of loss. That is normal. Even when our head knows walking away is the right thing to do, our heart doesn't always want to cooperate--at least not right away.


Please give yourself a huge advantage in your healing process by reading everything you can in the Healing Library on this board. It is full of wisdom and insight for all the women who've BTDT. It is amazing.


I'll share with you a couple thoughts and pieces of advice that keep me moving forward. First and foremost is make yourself abide by the 48 hour rule, inspired by Secretlifeofjane. Whenever you have an impulse to contact xap, allow yourself 48 hours before you act on that impulse. Chances are that after those two days, you will have overcome that urge. Best advice ever, IMO!!


"It does not matter" is a great mantra when you start obsessing over how he feels about you and if you ever meant anything to him.


"He's not mine to have" worked very well for me, too.


Read and post here often, but take a break when you need to, also. Although this board has been a tremendous help, there are times I've had to break away because I felt like it was keeping me too attached to my A. After a few day break, I would come back and feel renewed.


Offer your thoughts, opinions and advice to others, even though you are a newbie. It is amazing how much strength and determination you will gain just from helping others. IMPORTANT--go back and read your own advice when you need to. :-)

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2000
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 4:01pm

Thank you all for your support, Alwayst2 you are a sweet person I really appreciate your supportive and kind words... I have made it through this day with minimal upsetness over this and minimal thoughts of him.