Tools I gained from the A. You?
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| Thu, 05-13-2010 - 9:17am |
Hello All,
I been reflecting. I got a new job. Steady pay and steady work. I am wondering how I will be able to be on the board as much. I am not going anywhere though. You all ain't getting rid of me.
Times, like this really make me reflect, I am seeing good now. I am really on a upswing. I know there is pain on this board. I lived it too. It has not been long either. I am still but a tweener. But this self reflection stuff is good shiz. Looking back on the last 5-6 months. I mean, I find that I am doing better in all aspects of my life. I do not lash out at my kids nearly as I used to from being stressed in the A. I enjoy them so much as of late. I make good clean and wholesome decisions. I feel confident. I feel worthy of love. Pure love.
I do not let people hurt me because I have prayed for God to give me the power to discern who is worthy to be in my life and who does not. So all that to say is I am in a good place. As, I have stated in other posts, I have my moments. But the pain is really gone as of late. My goal now is to continue to grow and love me and take care of my garden so as to make sure that all the people I surround myself with postively impact me and I them. Otherwise you have no place in my life.
NO MORE NEGATIVE CRAP.
So I am learning that the A gave me tools, tools to see things, tools to look before I jump, tools that scream, run, run the other way, and instead of not listening to my gut. I follow it. I think things out.
I am patient. Something I never really was (except with the kiddos, they force that on ya).
So my question for you all, is what have you gained in all of this? I know we have all had pain, not speaking of that, trying to positive. What tools have you helped you get thru? Thinghs that helped you get better? A coping mechanism? What's in your tool box? What has helped you heal?
This is a great thread for all of us, especially newbies. I hope everyone chimes in, even with a few thoughts or a couple of sentences. I know there is a lot out there that we can all pull from.
Hope this gets good vibes started before we head into the weekend.
Luvin

Hi luv
IN my Tool Box... Hmmm that's a good question?
I would have to say patience.
NEG -
This one is great. I too have learned the wonderful virtue of patience. I have my 48 hour rule- I never act on any emotion (especially those associated with xap) for 48 hours... and every single time, that emotion has passed and I am so glad I did nothing. I have become so so patient- and that is something I never had before. I need instant answers; instant gratification; instant action. It made me anxious all of the time. Now, I can allow the calm to wash over me as I sit patiently with my thoughts, or with my H, or just by myself with an empty mind.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Luv,
Great post!
Hi
I learned to have patience too. I actually first learned that during the affair (!) by waiting all the time and savoring moments I had with my AP.
On the other hand I learned to have the courage act when action is needed and to decide when decisions where needed and I took the plunge and ended my A. (I am NC for over one year)
That was an enormous decision to make alone and I made it! Looking back I see that took guts as I am single and was in a long term A.
The situation was going on and on with no happy ending in site yet if felt "better than nothing"....and "like more love than I had felt with others" etc etc
To walk away from that way of low self esteem/depressive thinking is the best thing I ever did for myself, even tho it was soo soo painful.