The Top 10 Reason's I'm Glad it's OVER!
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| Fri, 10-15-2004 - 10:25am |
Well, it's been a great week. No contact at all, and I really feel good about it. As I was pulling into work this morning, I saw him walking in the building. I haven't seen him at all since my last slip-up 3 weeks ago, and haven't heard from him since he emailed me a brief "hello" last Monday. I never told him it was over- I just stopped contacting him and responded to his emails with very short, polite responses. The last he knows of anything is that we promised to be better friends to each other regardless of any messing around. He did email more frequently after that, but I guess he got the picture because I stopped emailing him, changed my IM name, and only responded to work related emails or a quick "yes, I had a great weekend with H" type answers because I haven't heard a peep all week. It's much easier this way and I have been very strong all week, but I did get a little shaken when I saw him this morning. If he saw me, he didn't acknowledge it. He almost had to have seen me. I still feel a little in limbo since I never told him in was over, but in my heart I know it is. SO....instead of obsessing like I used to or questioning and rehashing little details (how was my hair???LOL!) I am trying to use this energy in a positive way. I'm posting to you guys and getting it out of my system so I won't dwell. So here goes...
I AM SO GLAD IT'S OVER WITH HIM BECAUSE....
1. I no longer have to make sure my legs are perfectly shaved before work every day...just in case!
2. I don't have to worry about wearing cute panties and a matching bra to work every day...just in case! (I can save those for being home with my husband!)
3. I don't obsess over why I haven't heard from him. I might wonder occasionally, but it's fleeting and I feel stronger NOT having heard from him!
4. When I kiss my husband goodbye in the morning, I can feel good about it. I can look him in the eye and know that I won't be doing anything to hurt him when I leave for the day.
5. I can focus on improving my marriage and work towards things I truly desire in my life.
6. I can enjoy family and friends completely when we're together...I'm finally present and not wondering about HIM! I give the people who really love me the attention they deserve.
7. That nervous, anxious feeling I got every morning wondering how the day would play out is GONE!
8. That guilty, sick feeling I got every night when I lay down next to my husband after I'd been with xOM that day is GONE!
9. The biggest barrier to the happy marriage I wanted was removed...and I now know that I had the power to get rid of it all along.
10. I can finally look myself in the mirror and know who I am again.
Feel free to add yours to the list!!!
Have a great weekend everybody!
Lily


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I'm also glad that I dont have to keep my cellphone on silent mode when H is around (so that he couldn't hear when I got a call or a text)
Most of all i'm glad I dont have to lie anymore.
m x.
This is great news!!!
I went over your list and could only come up with one more so here it is:
#11. I can honestly say that I will NEVER do this again! I know that the
lying, cheating, deceitful life is NOT for me.
Congrats you have come along way and thanks for sharing!
wrkng
I'm glad to hear that big cloud over your head has blown away. An Elvish saying goes, "May the sun shine on you this day and may it be filled with festival and song."
And thank you for your kind reply to my post.
I had a good cry with my friend the other day after I found out exMM had called my apartment. I burned the letters he wrote me that night too...without reading them again. So, one step forward, two steps back...today I am going forward again.
I can add some to the list:
-- I can actually get some work done during the day b/c I'm not spending half my time talking to him online.
-- I don't have to sit around wondering if he's talking to his W about their M.
-- I don't have to sit around waiting for him to find free time for me.
-- I don't have to check my cell phone every hour to see if he's called.
-- I don't have to lie to my friends about why I can't go out with them.
-- I am the master of my own fate again, not waiting around to see what he will do with regards to us.
-- I don't have to have that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I'm worried about him leaving me again.
-- I have my self-respect back.
I know there's more...heck I can't think of very many negatives of his leaving, except the sex and the excitement...which came at too high a price.
I allow myself to miss him, but know that the breakup was the best thing to happen and I am focusing on my future.
When I read your top 10 list, my mouth dropped to the floor. Not because of what you wrote, but because I have been going through the same exact thing. I am still in the stage of not being able to end my affair. Although I know it will end soon. I am married and so is my lover. He basically started the affair with me to escape his caged life. For him there is no feelings in it at all. However, stupid me, I let my emotions take over. I am in a happy marriage, so I have no clue as to why I started the affair in the first place. Maybe the excitement and the passion is gone from my marriage, or maybe the way this other man gave me attention in the beginning. I don't know!? It's interesting when you described that now you don't have to worry about shaving your legs every day...just in case, or wearing matching bra and panties...just in case. I do the SAME things with my lover. I do it with passion though, but then in the end I get slapped in the face (not literally), but after we have sex, he tells me how I don't have to wear these sexy lingeries for him all the time, yadda, yadda. It's like he just wants a good screw and that's it. I should also make a list for myself as to why I should leave this player. Thanks for your posting, it was great to read it!
Sadgirl (soon to be Happygirl....I hope)
I really, really needed to read this today. I am only 3 days out after saying goodbye and, although my heart is breaking, I can agree with your list and everyone's additions. The big ones for me are-
I can look at my daughter and know I am a good person without that guilt
I can go on with my day without constantly worrying about my stupid cell phone- I turned it off for the first time all day yesterday.
I can get myself back on track with publishing my book- I put this on hold spending so much of my free time on him.
Thanks for the pick me up.
Great post. Great news, that you are feeling so strong! YOU GO GIRL! I particularly loved #1 and #2. (LOL) Can totally relate. Too funny. Oh the crazy things we do when we are blinded by sheer stupidity. :)
and #4, 8 and 10!
XO!
Dipss!
UPDATE:
Not 15 minutes after I posted, he came to find me. He came up behind me when I was at my desk (THANK GOD I WASN'T IN THE MIDDLE OF MY POST! I'd hate for him to think he had that kind of impact on me!) to say hello. He sat down in the chair beside me and made small talk...office politics, etc. Was very friendly but also threw in his gf's name a few times in reference to business. (I'd be lying to say it didn't bother me, but we're "allegedly" friends and that's what friends do, right?) I was very polite but not overly friendly, then my co-worker came in and they started talking. I just sat and my desk and pretended to work. When he was leaving he touched my shoulder and told me he just had to come seek us out and he'd see me later and "you know where I work, too!" meaning come by sometime. I just said "have a good weekend!" and that was that.
For those of you who were so sweet and told me I am strong, I really appreciate that and needed to hear that. Because as you can see, I have my moments and my days. Feeling a little weak now, although I am not sure why. Our last talk, we said we would be better friends. I'm the one who stopped contacting him, so why am I still shaky and weird when he dropped by to say hi? I will never pursue a friendship with him again, nor will I ever initiate contact again, but I'd love to think that he still wants me or thinks of me, so why do I feel so strange when he did come find me today?
Lily
Dont be so hard on yourself with your reaction. We are human. We are all working through this but it is completely normal that you would still get a little shaky after that, but think of how far you have come! There are days when I feel strong and feel like I can give out some advice and then I feel so weak and think "who the he-- am I to tell anybody what they should do when i cant get my sh-t together"...all normal I guess. :) We will have our highs and our lows...I guess its part of the healing process...it sounds to me like you are on your way UP...keep going!
BTW - I think he is coming around looking for a reaction, touching your shoulder and all that BS is his way of breaking you down. DONT LET HIM DO THAT!
You have the upper hand now. You are taking control of your life and what is important to you. Remember who cares what he thinks.
Next time pick up the phone and call your H when he comes to your desk. I am sure that will get him to walk away. :) - or you can just pick your nose in front of him and I am sure that will get him to walk away. tee hee. that was gross. sorry i couldnt resist. i amuse myself sometimes.
Ok Lovely Lily....STAY STRONG. Thanks again for your help earlier this week too!!!
xo!
Dipss
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