The Top 10 Reason's I'm Glad it's OVER!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
The Top 10 Reason's I'm Glad it's OVER!
33
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 10:25am
Hey Everybody!

Well, it's been a great week. No contact at all, and I really feel good about it. As I was pulling into work this morning, I saw him walking in the building. I haven't seen him at all since my last slip-up 3 weeks ago, and haven't heard from him since he emailed me a brief "hello" last Monday. I never told him it was over- I just stopped contacting him and responded to his emails with very short, polite responses. The last he knows of anything is that we promised to be better friends to each other regardless of any messing around. He did email more frequently after that, but I guess he got the picture because I stopped emailing him, changed my IM name, and only responded to work related emails or a quick "yes, I had a great weekend with H" type answers because I haven't heard a peep all week. It's much easier this way and I have been very strong all week, but I did get a little shaken when I saw him this morning. If he saw me, he didn't acknowledge it. He almost had to have seen me. I still feel a little in limbo since I never told him in was over, but in my heart I know it is. SO....instead of obsessing like I used to or questioning and rehashing little details (how was my hair???LOL!) I am trying to use this energy in a positive way. I'm posting to you guys and getting it out of my system so I won't dwell. So here goes...

I AM SO GLAD IT'S OVER WITH HIM BECAUSE....

1. I no longer have to make sure my legs are perfectly shaved before work every day...just in case!

2. I don't have to worry about wearing cute panties and a matching bra to work every day...just in case! (I can save those for being home with my husband!)

3. I don't obsess over why I haven't heard from him. I might wonder occasionally, but it's fleeting and I feel stronger NOT having heard from him!

4. When I kiss my husband goodbye in the morning, I can feel good about it. I can look him in the eye and know that I won't be doing anything to hurt him when I leave for the day.

5. I can focus on improving my marriage and work towards things I truly desire in my life.

6. I can enjoy family and friends completely when we're together...I'm finally present and not wondering about HIM! I give the people who really love me the attention they deserve.

7. That nervous, anxious feeling I got every morning wondering how the day would play out is GONE!

8. That guilty, sick feeling I got every night when I lay down next to my husband after I'd been with xOM that day is GONE!

9. The biggest barrier to the happy marriage I wanted was removed...and I now know that I had the power to get rid of it all along.

10. I can finally look myself in the mirror and know who I am again.

Feel free to add yours to the list!!!

Have a great weekend everybody!





Love,

Lily
Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 11:57am
I absolutely LOVED this thread. It covered all the bases: The good, the bad and the ugly (picking your nose...hahaha, great idea).

I just wanted to pipe in and say how proud I am of all of you. Building up the reserves, turning the mind and heart to "OFF" mode and exercising "indifference" are still not failsafe protection when the XMM decides to intrude upon your day unexpectantly. For Meg and Lily, hats off to you for expressing your honest reactions here on the board, and for NOT letting him break down your resolve. There is really no way to prepare for those "surprise" phone calls and visits in the workplace.

I have to see XMM everyday, up close BUT never again personal. I am a firm advocate in telling you ladies that "IT CAN BE DONE." Let me quote Jimmeny Cricket, "Let your conscience be your guide." I did the right thing, and I can now stand tall because of it.

~True~

PS - I loved your lists and many of your points were ON THE MARK for me. Thanks.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Sat, 10-16-2004 - 12:55pm

Hey True!!!!!


Thanks so much for the encouragement. You have no idea how much it means to me coming from you, one of my role-models in ending this thing for good!


XOXO


Have a great weekend!


Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>

Girl, YOU are SOOOOOOOO Welcome. I can't count how many times your posts gave me a good chukle on a "down-in-the-mouth" day. Your kindness and generosity in how you reach out to others on this board only proves what a compassionate person you are. Stay strong, dear lady, because you wear it well.

~True~

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Hi Lily and everyone,

I loved all the responses on this thread and Lily, your top ten hit the mark with me too.

I couldn't have said it better.

It's a comfort to know that others such as yourselves have gone through these same things.

I too had made myself a list of advantages of ending the A with serious reasons as well as funny ones such as saving money on Victoria's Secret bills and not worrying about what hose and underwear I was wearing to work for XMM. Yes, many of the same things on the top ten list.

Very good. Loved it.

IP

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Thanks for this thread Lily! AWESOME!

Ross and Rachel - I think that is so funny (and just like something I would think for myself!)

You are great at putting into words or starting threads that really hit home for all of us!

AND...of course it is hard when he comes by. YOU were not in this for a quick thrill - you did have some decent and caring feelings for him. Of course you'll still feel something when he comes by. It will get better and the important part is that you don't freak out about those feelings and act on them. THAT is what makes you strong! The feelings/reactions just prove that you weren't some heartless user - and even though it is hard when he comes by you STILL do the right thing. You made a tough decision to pull yourself out of a situation before it got really destructive.

Keep posting here - it helps so much!

love, Lazy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004

Hey Lazy!!!


I've been wondering about you! How are you??? We've missed you!


Thanks for your response to my message...it made my day!

Love,

Lily
Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
THAT is FANTASTIC! I love your list! The one that stood out was being present for family and friends. My sister pointed out to me one day that she noticed I wasn't fully present for my kids and I haven't been.



I am so glad my XMM lives in another city and can only contact me via email at work. I like that you cut it off abruptly (I did, too) and you work with him (as I do, same company, different city)because that really really helps me to have someone in a similar circumstance. We have emailed regarding work and only work. He did send a little chummy 2 sentence email I ignored, but I think there will be more. Now I read that you sent him polite short emails back, which was also my intention and I see that it worked for you the way I would like it to work for me.



Your post has put things in perspective for me, thank you so much!! And more importantly congrats and thank you for being a positive example of what stopping the A can do for not only YOUR peace of mind, but also how positively it affects others in your life! WAY TO GO!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004

Thanks, Need2Be!


Our situations sound so similar! Keep up the great work and keep us posted. You're a great inspiration!


:)


Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 11:35am
Hi Lily!

Yes - I am here but not posting as much. I can't check as often as I want to and I don't know what to post! I am still on that swinging pendulum. I am taking care of me right now and not making any big changes. That means I haven't told MM where to go - he is still a friend (whether that is possible or not I'm not sure). The good news is that I'm in therapy BUT I am in the process of going off Paxil (it is hard physically and emotionally - this stuff is hard to get off of!) AND I just started Lexapro which has made me really anxious for a few days - JUST WHAT I NEED, right???? AND my best friend here is moving soon. So, right now I am not rocking the boat - but I'm not getting right back into things with MM either. I go to coffee with him and see him at school and we are friendly. He notices I'm pulling back but I'm not making any final statements to him. I just can't stir things up and take a stand right now in my life. I am taking care of me though - and doing little things to make things better at home - more time with H, an art class, projects, new friends. I find myself thinking of OM less and less and looking at H more and thinking about why I like being married to him and what I can do to make things better. I also have an awesome therapist who is helping me figure out why I am where I am. For me, that is a big step in the right direction.

So - I'm feeling good about progress but still not saying anything final to OM. I'm such a wimp sometimes!

SO, that is what is up with me! Not good with OM - but in my personal life I feel better all of the time (except the withdrawl from the Paxil which will be over soon I hope!)love, Lazy
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 10-19-2004 - 10:52am
Amen to that lily! I do the same thing....spend WAY TOO MUCH time thinking about the what if's and what may happen next...I am the queen of over-analyzing...it gets wearisome after awhile.

I can't wait until the day when I am completely free of thoughts of him and all of the what if's.