tormentedinok

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
tormentedinok
3
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 2:32pm

can I ask you a question? you don't have to answer if you don't want to!

I've been dating a guy for over 8 years... but 6 of them have been sexless (my decision). The last 4 years we've been nothing but BEST friends! He IS my best friend - he is the ONLY person that knows EVERYTHING about me - even about my affair with my exMM and STILL he LOVES ME!!!! BUT neither of us is IN LOVE with the other and I can't bring myself to even forge an emotional kiss with him because it would just feel weird at this point. I think the sexual and passionate feelings I felt in my affair are what I want for a marriage... and yet... how can I EVER expect those feelings to last... isn't it MUCH better to marry your best friend than a guy you have hot animal like sex with?

What are your feelings on this (funny that I'm asking you - I can pretty much imagine what you are going to tell me but I'm asking nonetheless! :) ) ?

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2005
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 2:45pm
LOL!! That's a toughie. I'll try to answer the best I can. (Remember, this is just my opinion too.) I think that the "Hot animal sex" you had with your xmm was that way because it was forbidden. Yet, I don't think it'd be right to marry someone who you don't love in the way you should love a spouse. It doesn't sound like either man would be right for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Tue, 02-15-2005 - 3:20pm
I totally agree. Stay away from XOM. Stay friends with the other guy, and be patient. Mr. Right will come alone where you can have both passion and friendship. Just remember that passion will fade over time, no matter how intense it begins. Researchers estimate 18 months to 3 years before those hot steamy nights simmer to a comfortable summer day. REAL life is *NOT* the way they describe in romance novels :)
**Id**

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2004
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 12:46pm
I agree also, you can marry a man who is your best friend and can tell each other every thing but if there is no passion what so ever then one if not both of you will go looking elsewhere to fill that void. you need to have both.
Kathy