torn apart
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torn apart
| Mon, 12-20-2004 - 11:18pm |
This is a long , drawn out ordeal. I have been with my mm for alomst 5 years now. I have said the "L" word and he has said he doesnt want it to be that. His wife was sick for the last two weeks and that put the kabosh on our intimacey. I came to the realization that He does not feel the same way and its time to move on. The problem Im having?? I made a comment two weeks ago that I thought the UPS driver was a hottie {mm and I work together, go figure.} Remember in my mind, Im done. He told me 6 months ago that we do not have a relationship. Any way, now everytime the UPS guy show up, the mm becomes mean and says things like" Theres your honey" and " Im so sorry you missed him." what is is prob?? Let me guess. It has nothing to do with me, but his desire to have unconditional sex??!! Wouldnt it just figure that I give my heart to some one just as unavailable as my husband, which by the way started this whole mess in the first place. What so funny is that there is absolutely no chance of the delivery guy and I getting together. He is just a youngster. He is nice to look at and that is all. He lives In a community 4 hrs away and I could care less. How do I deal??

Hi BB
Welcome to the board.
The first thing you may want to do is to educate yourself to the type of man you have NOT BEEN HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH FOR THE LAST FIVE YEARS, what a jerk.
Below are a couple of links to read at.
Down in the lower section you will find a bunch of articales that some may be of help to you.
http://www.angelfire.com/ego/narcissism/
http://www.angelfire.com/ego/narcissism/women.html
Welcome aboard
Free
If you are serious in wanting to end it, you have to set boundaries at work. First tell him that you no longer want to continue the affair in any way, shape or form. Tell him that you will no longer discuss anything personal about either of your lives, and that conversations are to be strictly business related. Even remarks about "other guys" are a no - no. You are sabatoging yourself by doing this, because in truth, you want to strike back somehow for the pain he has caused you. You want to make him jealous even if you look upon it as only innocent comments. Don't give him any reason to have to respond other than on business stuff.
Trust me on this one. Your affair sounds exactly like my "OLD" affair. It was 5 years for me too, and I had to do all of the things I suggested above. It has worked, but it was along road to travel down. We are now back to business associates, and the past seems like a far away dream. It took me about 3 months to get to a comfortable place.
One last suggestion.....find another job if this is an option. Seeing them everyday is a constant scab peeler, and you will bleed. The complete healing comes with time and patience.
Id
BB
Narcissists tend to be Charming confident "SEEMING" people and what woman is not going to be drawn to that type of a man, the sad fact is that under all that charm and seemings confidence is a very scared insecure person.
They learn from a young age to manipulate people to get approval and control that makes them feel secure.
They say that knowledge is power, learn so that every thing he says and does becomes totally transparent to you so you will see his buttom pushing for what it is and not mistake or convince yourself that it means what it does not. With the Narcissist it is always about "ME ME ME" rarely if ever about you.
You have nothing to lose, and the opportunity to gain YOU back.
Free