Tough Love

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tough Love
10
Sat, 09-04-2010 - 11:00am

There have been several posts made in reference to how you would still be in your affairs if it hadn't ended the way it did. We all understand that feelings do not diminish just because a relationship is over, but this was AN AFFAIR people. They are selfish and destructive, and no matter how pretty you wrap these

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
In reply to: cl_iddy2009
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 4:18pm

But I watch them slowly, slowly, slowly...ouch ouch ouch...that hurts, that hurts, that hurts...wasting precious minutes, weeks, months, years even...


Damn!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2010
In reply to: cl_iddy2009
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 9:49pm

ooh! so many Poor Hungry Doctors in the group! lets blame grad school for our affairs :)

TU, you said it beautifully. as educated women who were taught to think critically and approach everything with empirical skepticism, the idea that there is "one way" of getting out of an A, and "one way" to look at it, is simply off-putting. but logic has always taught us that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and in exploring alternate paths, at least for myself, has become an exercise in intellectual masturbation that has led me so far off that straight lined path and prolonged my unhappiness.

mom me and my boys--yes, we smarties are just as screwed up as the next gal. the greatest lesson i take from this A is that i have become incredibly humbled (just imagine what a narcissist i must have been before! hey, i'm an academic...it happens ;) ). i'm humbled because i realize that no matter how well adjusted we consider ourselves to be, we are painfully human and vulnerable to all manner of transgressions. cheaters aren't just "desperate housewives" or "trailer trash". what we have in common is that we all lost ourselves. and now, we're all trying to get ourselves back. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
In reply to: cl_iddy2009
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 10:03pm

What a great thread Iddy. You and the others have said what I have felt growing inside of me for the past few months as I posted less and less. I felt so guilty for turning away from the place that I believe saved me, yet as I kept coming back and reading all of the defensiveness, I had to take a break. I want to pay it forward, but not at the expense of my own healing. And while I totally get that having that mirror held up in front of you, exposing all of the ugly truths, is not even close to being pleasant, until you realize it is necessary, you will never get unstuck. I am over 7 months out. I thought I had learned all I needed to learn and had been "saved." Many saw me as a pillar of strength, but I was still holding on- still hiding behind secrets. And then I discovered that my husband has been reading and posting on my blog- a place where I was about as honest as I know how to be... and now the harsh lights of reality have really been thrown on. Now I stand in the truth- naked before my husband with nothing left to hide. Not until all of our demons have been exposed can we even begin to hope for an end to this pain- can we even begin to hope for a real awakening. All of this pain- all of it- has to be confronted, exposed, sorted through, and dealt with. The TL dished out here- the doses of reality so to say- have propelled so many out of their own self induced complacency. So yes, I too am one who backed away from the board and was feeling like an utter failure here. I am glad this was posted, even if not for discussion. We all know what it's like to have to look at ourselves in the mirror and face the truth- and while not pretty, the alternative is even uglier.

Hugs,

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: cl_iddy2009
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 6:44am

((Jane))



<>



When I first started posting here I was only a couple months out of my A. I presented myself as this invincible woman who walked the walk, and in time had

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2010
In reply to: cl_iddy2009
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 12:48pm

Well said sister!!



You are so right. I don't know where you vets consider me here, (I'm 13 weeks LC) and of course, some days are hard as hell (we work together), sometimes I just miss the friendship we had, the ego boost, that feeling of being "on fire" and as if I was the sexiest woman alive BUT it was all based on lies and we were a ticking time bomb that was going to explode and hurt many, many people ESPECIALLY our childrens lives and it was a "feel-good" fantasy land that we were both living in all while we had no regard for the feelings of those we love and who vowed to love us till death do us part.



I wasn't the one who ended my A, however we both tried on several tries and lasted a few days, weeks, months therefore the last time he said he was "done" I thought, na, we will never stop this, it feels too good for him and I both but he stuck to it and I am glad. I am so thankful he had the ba**s to cut it off, to put his foot down, to not fish even though I use to want XAP to chase me and now am glad he doesn't/hasn't.



I won't lie; it still hurts to see an email come in from him when all it is-is work related, to walk past the mailboxes to still look and see if he's checked his mail yet, to know we haven't even spoken two words (verbally)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
In reply to: cl_iddy2009
Sun, 09-12-2010 - 5:13pm

Iddy- I just saw this, and I apologize because it may be the most powerful post directed at me that I've read on this board... Thank you. You have so eloquently articulated my internal struggle. I plan to stick around :)

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2010
Sat, 10-16-2010 - 9:26am
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2008
In reply to: need2laff
Sun, 10-07-2012 - 3:31pm
Awesome Posts..
By some pretty Strong Amazing Women.
This has to make women stronger when they read this !
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 10-07-2012 - 5:42pm

Hey starlitelove

Nice to see you.  You had to really dig deep to find this two-year-old keeper.  It was comforting, too, to read words from Iddy.

Good reading for a slow Sundae...hah, did I type Sundae?  That cuz I just ate one...hah!

 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Sun, 10-07-2012 - 6:47pm

Bump da bump bump bump

I read some of my old posts...way cool. Only two years old. Hell I came a long way....love it.  Got some time tonight, gonna chime in and read....need a EAS pick me up!

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida