Tough Love
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Tough Love
| Sat, 09-04-2010 - 11:00am |
There have been several posts made in reference to how you would still be in your affairs if it hadn't ended the way it did. We all understand that feelings do not diminish just because a relationship is over, but this was AN AFFAIR people. They are selfish and destructive, and no matter how pretty you wrap these

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Tough love feels like a smack in the face when you first get it because someone is hitting you right smack in your illusions when you least expected it. You need those illusions in place in order to maintain the lie that everything is "okay" and that you can handle the "A". In other words, you can go on hurting yourself. And you can handle the A alone. Only, alas, you can't! Those illsuions do not want to be attacked. They are there for you to feel less pain about what you know is actually going on for you, on so many levels, but you just don't want to hear it, becasue you don't want to stop. Even though there is so much pain involved. That's why tough love is so necessary. I am now out of my A for over three and a half years but I still think about the A sometimes. Lately I have been amazed at how little sense I had of being wrong in my A in any way because I had so many illusions and self justifications in my way. I was deliberately blind, but I was not conscious of it. And I was believing all the lies my AP was telling me even though in my deepest self, I knew they sounded like lies, not truths.
Iddy's tough love sure didn't feel great re: my exAP, but it sure helped to shake me out of the denial I was in , even months into recovery. These days I understand I am human and that I can build these crazy illusions in my head about life sometimes, especially about love and relationships (I am single). But when I come back here and re-read these threads it always snaps me right back to sanity. Woo Hoo!!
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