Tough night

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
Tough night
10
Fri, 11-20-2009 - 8:34pm

Just need to vent....not sure if anyone's listening, as it's Friday night and many people aren't sitting home pining for a fantasy relationship that's gone. :(


I am.


Just thinking about him...wondering what he's doing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
In reply to: mickey925
Fri, 11-20-2009 - 8:54pm
Baby, I feel ya. But, let it go. You wouldn't want him even if he DID leave his wife. Dodged that cheating bullet, you know what I mean? I bet you have sooooo much to offer those single guys out there, Um... If you are single, too! ha. So, why don't you put on a pretty dress and go out??
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
In reply to: mickey925
Fri, 11-20-2009 - 9:09pm

Thanks but I'm in limbo in my marriage right now, so dating is out of the question.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
In reply to: mickey925
Fri, 11-20-2009 - 9:52pm

Sorry to hear you are not doing to well tonight. Just wanted to make a suggestion... please do not poke around on facebook; you only devastate yourself. What do you mean by "virtual" friend list and are you still friends on facebook. Maybe you should take him off that as well to help the healing process

Hang in there :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
In reply to: mickey925
Fri, 11-20-2009 - 10:03pm

I never was his friend on facebook....I just look at his picture and his friend list and feel crappy that I was never even on his friend list on facebook....that's what I meant.


I don't look at it too much, as there's not much to look at (his profile isn't open to all).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2009
In reply to: mickey925
Fri, 11-20-2009 - 10:58pm

Ah, I see. I dont think you are stupid for feeling the way you did. You are human and you have feelings. Its funny cause I was talking to a friend today and I was telling her about how I was at the start of the A and how I was at near the end. I made a joke out of it actually and said "he must think I am bi-polar?" LOL. We would get together and everything will be great and than he would be busy doing "stuff" and that would make me upset. You see I am not like this normally but this was one hell of an emotional ride. It is hard to cover up your feelings (if you have them) for so long. Naturally they will surface. At the start if he canceled plans or didnt call etc. I would play the understanding role. Inside I was going crazy. He loved it. It was on his terms. I didnt matter. So do i blame myself for it not working out. NO. What does he expect when you treat people like that. The grass is NEVER greener on the other side. There is still dirt under the grass regarless. LOL pb doesn't make sense. If anything you tolerated way to much. Sometimes I question my tolerance level? WOW! I amaze myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
In reply to: mickey925
Sat, 11-21-2009 - 6:02am

Oh Mickey, I just read your posts and believe me, I totally understand how you are feeling. I get what you're saying with the "friends" thing. It feels as if you are even less than a friend,right? After all that you have shared with him.

Please don't think that you did anything wrong. Nothing you could have done or should not have done, would have made him stay with you.

You wrote: "The moment I showed some flaws and acted a little bitchy to him instead of kissing his ass....he was doubting us. "

Of course he did! He thought you would be satisfied with whatever crumbs he was throwing at your feet.
You showed him you were not a toy without feelings and emotions. He never wanted the total you. Believe me, Mickey, the post you wrote, could have been my own post :( And I can feel your pain.

It's so hard to move on. But the GOOD THING about this is:
You are in NC!!! NC means No New Hurts, remember? You are going through another phase now and when you come out of this , you will be a little (or hopefully much) stronger than before.

Would it be an idea for you to look at some of your questions and try to answer them yourself by looking at his actions of the pasts?
Or to answer them in a way that will you make angry?

Like:
(you asked): - is he getting along with wife?
(you answer): - yes he is getting along with her wonderfully, he loves her, he wants to stay with her forever, he loves her much more than he loves me (LOL that's a thing that will make you angry)

Or:
(you asked): - did he ever love me?
(you answer): - no, he never loved me, otherwise his actions towards me would have proven his love

Or:
(you asked): - is he hurting at all?
(you answer): - no he is not hurting, he is happy that his life is free of drama again.

*****
Hmmm I don't know. Maybe it would help you. Maybe not. I guess everyone deals differently with their hurts. I am not very good in giving advice.

I really want you to know that you WILL NOT GO CRAZY. Maybe a month or so from now, you will feel so much better.
Please stay in NC. This is a gift to you, although it probably won't feel like it right now.

Write down all the things he has hurt you with and remind yourself of them all the time. Try not to think about the "good" moments in the A.

It was never good. He would never have left his wife for you.
All he was throwing at you, were some stupid crumbs.
You can do without the crumbs, Mickey

More importantly, you deserve to be happy again.

I really hope you are feeling a little better today. Maybe you can go shopping :-)

Love,
Htgo




Edited 11/21/2009 6:05 am ET by how_to_get_out
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
In reply to: mickey925
Sat, 11-21-2009 - 7:12am

HTGO,


What an insightful post this was and may I add, such wonderful advice. The question and answer part was brilliant and perhaps you didn't know this, but it is very similar to what Cognative Therapists have their patients do. Change your thinking and you can change your life. Anyway, it's one for the Healing Library, so in it she goes. ;-)


And Mickey.....


It's normal to have a down night where we are consumed with thoughts about Xmm.

Iddy

<

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
In reply to: mickey925
Sat, 11-21-2009 - 8:23am

Hi id_diosyncrasy,

thank you so much that you think my advice was good!!! :)

I never feel like I can give all that much advice, since I am very much struggling myself (in LC); I didn't even know that Cognitive Therapists do something similar as to what I suggested!!!
I am feeling a little happier myself now, another step forward :)

Thanks

Hugs
Htgo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2009
In reply to: mickey925
Sat, 11-21-2009 - 9:14am

Thank you everyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
In reply to: mickey925
Sat, 11-21-2009 - 10:25am

Hey Mickey,

I am glad that you are feeling better this morning :)
I hope you'll have a wonderful day today

hugs,
htgo