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|Mon, 09-24-2012 - 10:45am|
I had a crazy thing happen to me this weekend.
My H and I went to a Gala saturday night, got all dressed up, etc. Had a wonderful time! We picked my girlfriend up who was meeting her date at the Gala (another dear friend). My girlfriend lives two blocks from XAP's new house and we had to pass his house on the way. His place looks great, they have already done some very nice landscaping, etc. It was tough to see.
It gets better. After we picked her up and went back by his house, there he was. Walking right towards us, walking through his yard, with his dog. It all happened so fast and so freaked me out. We made eye contact. He just stopped and stared. My H was driving and my girlfriend was in the back seat. My H didn't see him, my girlfriend did (she knows of the A). It was so hard to see him!
It unnerved me, made me feel very sad. Sad that he's going on with his life and I cannot be a part of it or share any of it. And, believe me, it looks great from over here! Lovely home and neighborhood. He's clearly spending a lot of money. So funny-my H and I used to live in that neighborhood many years ago, before it went up in value so highly.
But I have to keep going. I have to let this go. Yesterday was a long, tough day. I find myself looking for an email from him and I'm a bit surprised that he has not contacted me. In the past, he has contacted me after seeing me somewhere. But I know that it is for the best. I do know that, but it’s hard today.
But here's what struck me. It could be that he is not contacting me this time because he saw me with my H. In the past, he's always seen me alone. Make any sense? In other words, when it’s just "he and I" in the fantasy world, he pursues. But bring in either his W or my H, and reality sinks in.
I know I'm doing the right thing; I know I did the right thing by ending it, disappearing and ignoring all his attempts to contact me. And maybe he’s not contacting me this time because he finally got it and/or doesn’t want to be “rejected” again.
I don't know.....thoughts? In my heart, I know it doesn’t really matter, but I am just…..sad today. As I said, yesterday was tough, as is this morning. Feeling pretty blue........