Alice..... when you find the answer to why, please let us all know!! We are all in the same boat aren't we??? I have wracked my brains for years asking myself the whys of the whole thing. I do not believe I will ever find an answer that is suitable for me. I went to IC last year when I just could not take it anymore...and thought it was over. It wasn't! And I did not get any closer to the whys than I had before that. I have considered my childhood and upbringing, I have considered my M, I have considered my personality and all the things we talk about in T, nothing jumped out at me as to the reason that a strong, independent, loving, caring woman would risk her life, family, M, career for NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. It is a DRUG...it is an ADDICTION...and just like a crack addict that took the first dose out of curiosity
The why? We were addicted. When things were good, in the beginning, it was so good wasn't it? And you tried harder and harder as things went down hill to get those good times back but it felt good... so you clung tighter and held on with all of your might to your addiction. You sensed it was coming to an end and that made you frantic- you were going to lose that to which you had become dependent on. I think every single one of us has BTDT. And now that you are out of the fog a little, maybe you can see things near the end at face value? Maybe you can see how ridiculous you were being or how bad things really were? I know that I can.
Alice..... when you find the answer to why, please let us all know!! We are all in the same boat aren't we??? I have wracked my brains for years asking myself the whys of the whole thing. I do not believe I will ever find an answer that is suitable for me. I went to IC last year when I just could not take it anymore...and thought it was over. It wasn't! And I did not get any closer to the whys than I had before that. I have considered my childhood and upbringing, I have considered my M, I have considered my personality and all the things we talk about in T, nothing jumped out at me as to the reason that a strong, independent, loving, caring woman would risk her life, family, M, career for NOTHING. Absolutely nothing. It is a DRUG...it is an ADDICTION...and just like a crack addict that took the first dose out of curiosity
The why? We were addicted. When things were good, in the beginning, it was so good wasn't it? And you tried harder and harder as things went down hill to get those good times back but it felt good... so you clung tighter and held on with all of your might to your addiction. You sensed it was coming to an end and that made you frantic- you were going to lose that to which you had become dependent on. I think every single one of us has BTDT. And now that you are out of the fog a little, maybe you can see things near the end at face value? Maybe you can see how ridiculous you were being or how bad things really were? I know that I can.
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/