trash the crap
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| Wed, 05-26-2010 - 11:43am |
There is so much pain on the board these days. My heart goes out to each and every one of you who are going through the struggles that come along with ending an affair.
I've been affair/fantasy free for almost 2 years. The lingering effects of the affair is like a sliver of glass in your foot. It's there, it's annoying, it sometimes hurts and if you pick at it, it just might hurt more. So you keep walking and in time, a callous will form around the sliver of glass. And you'll forget about it, only occasionally remembering it's there.
For those who remember, a few weeks ago I ran into xAP at a college alumni event. Since that time I have received in the mail a flood of newsletters and other mail from my old college. xAP was mentioned in two newsletters and in another, a lengthy article with accompanying pictures. xAP is most likely on a campaign trail for an appointment to a particular advisory board of the college. He's always wanted this. I not on the mailing list, yet these are being mailed from the alumni office, so I guess I am now. I do have a good friend who is the managing editor, so she must have added my name. But I didn't ask her to and we haven't paid for the subscription. Hmm? I've thought about this and if I ask her to remove my name, then it would look strange. After all, H and I are big supporter's of the football program. The newsletters are not that newsy and there has never been anything in them I've enjoyed or felt was important info. So in the future, I will just trash the crap. H saw several mailings and flipped through them, he never commented, so I guess even if he wants to read them, doesn't mean I have to.
Bottom line, it irks me. I suspect that xAP, who knows my friend too, asked her to add my name to the mailing list. But who is paying for it? He is way too cheap. I know I'm being petty and should forget it. I will, but the nerve of this guy, ya know. I will wait a few months, maybe 6-9mos. and then mention it to my friend. I'm guessing she did this as a favor to xAP. She has no idea of our affair, but does know we dated in college. He probably begged or something equally stupid to get her to do this - who knows.
Peace to all who are struggling today. I am here to say, in time it does get better. As the fog lifts, real life once again becomes your focus. hugs to all...

Hi bandk,
I'm so glad you're still around! As a newbie on these boards (but 10 months out of the A), I find it great to hear from the vets. It gives me hope that someday it will not hurt so much.
But I was wondering today... why it hurt so much more than a normal breakup? I've been through breakups before and none hurt at this level. And I was with xAP just for a couple of weeks! Is it the forbidden fruit aspect of it? Or the validation aspect? Or the fact that I'm married and have to go back to my normal life, instead of finding solace in the fantasy of the wonderful someone I'll meet someday?
Pru
NC since 28. Jan (cyberstalking)
sm12000,
Yeah, xAP did ask my friend to mail me the first newsletter, in a round about way, but now I'm getting all these other ones. It's just strange that now I'm getting them and xAP seems to be popping up everywhere in them. (different newsletters from different depts/schools within the university, it's huge) It was my understanding she didn't put me on the mailing list, she just mailed me one because xAP asked.
This is how he operates and it's that part of his personality that irritated me the most. 100% shameless self promotion. I really don't give a rat's arse what he is doing.
You are right, I should ask her to remove my name, if in fact I'm on the master list now or whatever. It is a lot of unwanted trash. Trash the crap!
Hi BandK,
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I vote for shredding them and using them to start the BBQ coals on your next cookout.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Hey girl!! Good to "hear" from you!
Considering I'm having a huge Memorial Day party this weekend, using those crappy newsletters as fire starters might just come in handy. Can you imagine if I told my friend (newsletter editor) this! "Oh, I don't really want to read that stuff, I just shred them and use it as fire starter".
DH has been out of town this past week and the silence has been a treat. It afforded me some time to think. I didn't want to let this newsletter thing get under my skin, but as I thought about why it was bugging me, I realized I understood his actions. Nothing like not only knowing yourself, but understanding your xAP as well. I swear I know him better than he knows himself. E1 remember when you wondered if xAP could get through a door with a head as big as his!! Well, this is another one of his attempts to boost his ego - the articles and pictures and then making sure I see them. What a big headed monster he has become. I love that mental picture - I think that will be my "from now on" picture of him. Ha ha.
Too bad we can manufacture xAP bobble dolls, huh?
ha!
Have a great party, BK.
xo
Dee